perks of being a wallflower essay hook

Loading to Perks Of Being A Wallflower Discussion Questions....

Pardon Our Interruption

As you were browsing something about your browser made us think you were a bot. There are a few reasons this might happen:

• You've disabled JavaScript in your web browser.
• You're a power user moving through this website with super-human speed.
• You've disabled cookies in your web browser.
• A third-party browser plugin, such as Ghostery or NoScript, is preventing JavaScript from running. Additional information is available in this support article .

To regain access, please make sure that cookies and JavaScript are enabled before reloading the page.

• The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012 Film) Summary

by Stephen Chbosky

These notes were contributed by members of the GradeSaver community. We are thankful for their contributions and encourage you to make your own.

Written by Polly Barbour

Charlie (Logan Lerman) has recently been discharged from a mental healthcare hospital where he was treated for depression, something he has been suffering from since childhood. It is time for him to transition back into normal school but he is shy and doesn't make friends easily and so he is nervous and apprehensive about the start of school. He has an anonymous pen pal to whom he writes about his feelings. On his first day at school he is teased by his classmates but likes his English teacher, Mr Anderson (Paul Rudd). However, he doesn't really make any friends and ends up attending a football game by himself. He notices Patrick from his shop class (Ezra Miller) the only senior in a class of freshmen. Patrick notices Charlie and asks him to sit with him and his step-sister Sam (Emma Watson). Charlie is immediately attracted to Sam. He gets along with both Sam and Patrick and they invite him to attend some social events with him.

When he gets home he witnesses his sister Candace being hit by her boyfriend. Charlie feels strongly about domestic abuse because their Aunt Helen (Melanie Lynskey) but Candace persuades him to keep what he has seen a secret from their parents.

At homecoming, Charlie dances with Sam and Patrick and also goes to a party with them afterwards. At the party they introduce him to some more of their friends, Bob, Mary Elizabeth and Alice. Charlie also meets Sam's boyfriend Craig and feels enormous jealousy when he sees them together. Charlie eats his first pot brownie and amuses everyone with his sudden wit and insightful observations. He tells Sam that his best friend shot himself the previous year and whilst she is still processing this he leaves her to go upstairs. Once upstairs, he sees Patrick kissing Brad (Johnny Simmons) who is the star of the school football team. Patrick tells Charlie that Brad doesn't want anyone to find out about their relationship, least of all his father, because he would disapprove. Patrick asks Charlie to keep it a secret. Later, Sam tells Patrick what Charlie told her about his best friend and they welcome him into their group of friends, realizing that he doesn't really have any others.

Charlie is helping Sam study for her SATs, and as Christmas nears, they go to a party; on their drive home they hear a song that none of them know, so Sam instructs Patrick to drive through the tunnel so that she can stand up in the back of their pick-up and dance whilst the music is blasting out loud. Another nice holiday happenning is that their group participates in a secret Santa gift exchange. On the final night of the exchange Sam gives Charlie her gift - a typewriter. She thinks that it will help him because he wants to be a writer. They start to chat about first kisses, and Charlie tells her that he has not had his first kiss yet. He has never kissed a girl. Sam, meanwhile, tells him that her first kiss was from her father's boss who was molesting her at the time. She wants different for Charlie; she wants his first kiss to be from somebody who loves him, and then she kisses him. Charlie is already in love with Sam and wants to find a way to show her this even though she is dating someone else.

Charlie's birhday is on Christmas Eve, which always makes him thihk about his Aunt Helen, who died in a car accident on Christmas Eve after picking up a present for him. He is still hugely troubled by his Aunt's death and when he takes LSD at a New Year's Eve party, he has flashbacks to the night she died. He is found by police passed out in the snow.

Charlie goes to the Sadie Hawkins dance with Mary Elizabeth, and afterwards they go to her house to make out. She declares that he is now her boyfriend. Charlie doesn't want to be her boyfriend and has no interest in her but continues the relationship because he has no idea how to break up with somebody.

At another party, during a game of Truth or Dare, Patrick dares Charlie to kiss the prettiest girl in the room. He kisses Sam which enrages both Sam and Mary Elizabeth - after all, when challenged to kiss the prettiest girl in the room it is traditional to kiss one's own girlfriend. Patrick advises him to give them both some space whilst things cool down. Weeks go by and still his friends ignore him, which plunges him back into his depression, and to make matters worse his flashbacks to the night of his aunt's death are continuing to haunt him.

Brad's father caught Brad and Patrick having sex, which explains the bruise on Brad's face at school that day, but Brad claims steadfastly that he has bruises on his face because he was jumped in the school parking lot. Brad calls Patrick a faggot after the two get into a fight in the school cafeteria, and Brad's friends get involved, beating up Patrick until Charlie intervenes, which leads to reconciliation with his friends.

Patrick is upset about the end of his relationship with Brad, but becomes close with Charlie. One night he kisses Charlie, who doesn't react. He then breaks down and tells Charlie how unhappy he is. Sam finds out that Craig has been cheating on her and breaks up with him.

As graduation nears, Sam is accepted by Penn State and her friends throw a leaving party for her. Charlie helps her pack. Sam asks him why he never asked her out and one thing leads to another; they kiss but Charlie pulls away when Sam touches him on his inner thigh. He claims that nothing is wrong and continues to kiss her but she is concerned that something might be wrong. The following day as he watches her leave for school he feels very uncomfortable, and once home, has a breakdown, and flashes back to his Aunt Helen touching his thigh in the same way Sam had the night before. He calls Candace and tells her that it's his fault his Aunt died, because maybe he wanted her to and the universe manifested what he wanted. Candace sends police to the house, worried that Charlie is going to harm himself, and when they arrive he blacks out.

Charlie wakes up in the hospital. His physician (Joan Cusack) explains to his parents (Kate Walsh and Dylan McDermott) that Charlie was being molested by Aunt Helen and that he repressed the memory because he blamed himself for her death. When he is discharged from hospital a few weeks later Sam and Patrick take him out to one of the group's favorite restaurants. They drive into a tunnel and Sam tells Charlie that she has found the song that they were playing the last time they all drove through the tunnel - "Heroes" by David Bowie. Charlie climbs into the back of the truck to think about life as a whole, and kisses Sam, standing up and screaming as they exit the tunnel. For the first time he feels truly alive.

Update this section!

You can help us out by revising, improving and updating this section.

After you claim a section you’ll have 24 hours to send in a draft. An editor will review the submission and either publish your submission or provide feedback.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012 Film) Questions and Answers

The Question and Answer section for The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012 Film) is a great resource to ask questions, find answers, and discuss the novel.

Study Guide for The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012 Film)

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012 Film) study guide contains a biography of director Stephen Chbosky, literature essays, quiz questions, major themes, characters, and a full summary and analysis.

• About The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012 Film)
• Character List
• Director's Influence

Essays for The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012 Film)

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012 Film) essays are academic essays for citation. These papers were written primarily by students and provide critical analysis of The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012 Film), directed by Stephen Chbosky.

• Discovery in Away and The Perks of Being a Wallflower
• Film Portrayal of Education: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Wikipedia Entries for The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012 Film)

• Introduction

Home — Essay Samples — Literature — The Perks of Being a Wallflower — The Perks Of Being A Wallflower Review

The Perks of Being a Wallflower Review

• Categories: Book Review The Perks of Being a Wallflower

About this sample

Words: 3321 |

17 min read

Published: Sep 19, 2019

Words: 3321 | Pages: 7 | 17 min read

Cite this Essay

Let us write you an essay from scratch

• 450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
• Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours

Get high-quality help

Prof. Kifaru

Verified writer

• Expert in: Literature

+ 120 experts online

By clicking “Check Writers’ Offers”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy . We’ll occasionally send you promo and account related email

No need to pay just yet!

Related Essays

4 pages / 1725 words

1.5 pages / 674 words

3 pages / 1362 words

2 pages / 1022 words

Remember! This is just a sample.

You can get your custom paper by one of our expert writers.

121 writers online

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

Related Essays on The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Perks of Being a Wallflower, written by Stephen Chbosky, is a coming-of-age novel that explores the complexities of adolescence through the eyes of its introverted protagonist, Charlie. One of the central themes of the novel [...]

Perks of Being a Wall Flower is a well-known movie based off of the 1999 published book by Stephen Chbosky. It follows the story of a character named Charlie, who is entering his freshman year of high school. As if transitioning [...]

Everyone has sadness and fear but if we pass them we will become truly happy. This story is “The perks of being a Wallflower” gives the reader as Charlie during maturation. This story talks about when Charlie met to drugs, [...]

“True friends walk in when the rest of the world walks out” Walter Winchell . Best friends are those who show that they will there as proven in The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Throughout the book Chbosky [...]

In recent years, the exploration of LGBT themes in literature has gained significant attention, shedding light on the experiences and challenges faced by individuals within this community. Stephen Chbosky's novel, The Perks of [...]

Much of Charles Dickens' representation of morality in his most famous of Christmas stories, A Christmas Carol, is derived from "the wisdom of our ancestors." (1) From the beginning of his narrative Dickens explains his usage of [...]

Related Topics

By clicking “Send”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement . We will occasionally send you account related emails.

Where do you want us to send this sample?

By clicking “Continue”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Be careful. This essay is not unique

This essay was donated by a student and is likely to have been used and submitted before

Download this Sample

Free samples may contain mistakes and not unique parts

Sorry, we could not paraphrase this essay. Our professional writers can rewrite it and get you a unique paper.

Please check your inbox.

We can write you a custom essay that will follow your exact instructions and meet the deadlines. Let's fix your grades together!

Get Your Personalized Essay in 3 Hours or Less!

We use cookies to personalyze your web-site experience. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .

• Instructions Followed To The Letter
• Deadlines Met At Every Stage
• Unique And Plagiarism Free

University of Notre Dame

Fresh Writing

A publication of the University Writing Program

• Home ›
• Essays ›

The Perks of The Perks of Being a Wallflower

By Emma Cooper

Published: July 31, 2014

On my very first day of high school, I was late to class, and in my rush, I tripped up the stairs as my shoes fell down the stairs. To add insult to injury, I picked myself up and turned around only to realize that an entire classroom of seniors was watching my humiliating ordeal. I flushed, picked up my shoes, and scurried off to my first class of high school five minutes late. High school is a time full of awkwardness, trials, successes, failures, and most of all, growing up. No matter the background from which someone hails, the teenage years are ones of growth and discovery. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, a film directed and screen written by Stephen Chbosky, portrays these experiences in an extremely relatable and moving manner which creates a lasting impression and perspective on the teenage experience.

Perks is adapted from Stephen Chbosky’s book, The Perks of Being a Wallflower , and was released in October 2012 with little initial success. On it’s opening weekend it only grossed approximately $228,000 (IMDb). Eventually, however, the box office did begin to pick up and the movie became fairly monetarily successful. Logan Lerman, of Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief , Emma Watson, of the Harry Potter series, and Ezra Miller all deliver stellar performances as they lead Perks ’ cast. The film, set in mid-1990’s Pittsburg, PA, portrays a timeless feel as it focuses on the narrator, Charlie, played by Lerman, as he enters his first year of high school an anxious wallflower who is struggling to find his place. However, he soon befriends the radiant and understanding Sam, portrayed by Watson, and her quirky and lively brother Patrick, portrayed by Miller. In fact, one of the best features of the movie is the spectacular acting chemistry and believability between Lerman and Watson. Additionally, Miller’s performance as the charismatic and slightly eccentric friend adds to the overall enjoyment and quality of Perks . Together, the friends open up and deal with issues such as unhealthy relationships, drugs, family pressures, bullying, and more. Almost immediately, Charlie and Sam grow very close and it becomes obvious that there is chemistry between them. As their friendship unfolds, the movie addresses a range of typical and not so typical high school dramas. Furthermore, the atypical issues that Perks deals with are what I believe make the film enthralling and different from other generic high school, coming-of-age movies.

Some critics say that Perks deals only with the same, redundant, teenage, “angsty” dramas that other high school movies commonly deal with. For example, Jordan Mintzer of the Hollywood Reporter said, “… The Perks of Being a Wallflower , a heartfelt but rather generic coming-of-age dramedy” (Mintzer). I believe, however, that his review is short sighted and that the film does, in fact, address more than just the run-of-the-mill problems. Although I cannot spoil all of these details, it becomes very obvious in certain scenes that Charlie is dealing with more than the average high schooler. This can be seen in the consistent references to his Aunt Helen’s death. While it is normal for one to be troubled by a death in the family, the number of times and situations in which Aunt Helen’s death is brought up gives a hint that there is more to Charlie’s issues than meets the eye. For example, any time that Charlie gets very stressed, Aunt Helen is mentioned. In fact, she is brought up enough that she eventually becomes a major character. While, one is not initially sure why so much attention is paid to Aunt Helen, it is obvious that the movie is dealing with more than just generic high school problems.

Another factor that makes Perks a good movie is the quality acting and the resultant depth of the characters. Some critics, such as Richard Corliss, bash the movie for casting adult actors: “Oh to be 20 again, and in high school! That’s the implicit theme of The Perks of Being a Wallflower … and of the many other rite-of-passage movies that cast actors in their early twenties to play kids four to six years younger” (Corliss). While it is true that Perks ’ actors were, in fact, in their early twenties, they all look and act convincingly like students in high school. Furthermore, Corliss’ criticism is invalidated by the quality of the acting portrayed consistently throughout the film. Lerman does a fantastic job of playing the anti-social wallflower, Charlie, and Watson is the perfect depiction of the confident and upbeat Sam. Together, their chemistry reels the viewer in to experience every emotional moment. In one of the best scenes exemplifying their stellar acting, Sam kisses Charlie for the first time. Charlie’s stuttering, hesitation, and even body language contradict but also mesh perfectly with Sam’s deliberate and reassuring actions in order to create an extremely believable first kiss sequence. Lerman and Watson play their leading roles in such a perfect manner that anyone can believe they are in high school. Additionally, everyone can relate to them and their experiences no matter what one's personal background may be.

One scene that shows the overall excellence of Perks is the final tunnel scene. In this sequence, the trio of friends drives through a tunnel and stands up while listening to “the song,” an experience which has played a major role in their friendship. Many critics did actually praise this scene for its effectiveness, and I agree whole-heartedly with them. As critic Ian Buckwalter, said, “The film is filled with moments like [the tunnel scene], where the director triggers genuine sentimentality and waves of nostalgia through interaction between sound and image” (Buckwalter). Charlie narrates the scene, as he does many other scenes, as if he were writing a letter to the audience. The reoccurring narration allows an element of insightfulness and depth that many other coming-of-age movies lack. In addition, the background music behind the narration is a light twinkling variation of bell sounds that compliments the narration perfectly. At the end of the narration, Charlie’s voice cuts out and David Bowie’s song, “Heroes,” swells to the front just as the trio exits the tunnel. This combination of music emotes a feeling of inspiration, bravery, and hope. The tunnel scene is just one example of the film's fantastic soundtrack and audio mixing, which is consistently effective throughout the entire film. Even further, the cinematography and camera angles used in the tunnel sequence focus heavily on the faces of the characters with bright bulbs of light all around them. These two images, when put together, create in the viewer's mind the image of hope and the idea of heading towards the light at the end of the actual and figurative tunnel. Together, the narration, background music, and cinematography create a scene that sends chills across one’s skin every single time. The tunnel scene, and the entire film, effectively uses film techniques and ethos in order to appeal to the audience’s emotions and cause them to feel as if they are in the movie, in the situations, and personally connected with the characters and their teenage experience.

Finally, I strongly recommend The Perks of Being a Wallflower to anyone because I believe it is well produced, superbly acted, effectively uses film techniques and ethos, and is a relatable story which strongly conveys the fact that many issues which may seem tragic oftentimes actually help one grow and mature. I especially recommend the film to its target audience of teenagers, as the lesson about life’s issues is one that every high schooler needs to understand. Perks is a timeless and relatable movie which I have already seen twice and would gladly see again.

Watch the Trailer

Works Cited

Buckwalter, Ian. "How 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' Breaks an Old Filmmaking Curse." The Atlantic . N.p., 12 Sept. 2012. Web.

Corliss, Richard. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower: A Teen Angel’s Dreamy Angst." Entertainment . N.p., 13 Sept. 2012. Web.

IMDb. IMDb.com , n.d. Web.

Mintzer, Jordan. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower: Toronto Review - The Hollywood Reporter." The Hollywood Reporter . N.p., 07 Sept. 2012. Web.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower . Stephen Chbosky. Summit Entertainment, 2012. Film.

• Where and how does the author of the piece engage with counterarguments? Do you think that the author’s interaction with these critics is ethical? Why or why not? Give at least one example.
• One of the challenges and opportunities of discussing films is that films often incorporate different media (sound, still images, moving images, lighting, text), all of which contribute to the rhetoric of the piece. What specific multimedia aspects of the film does Cooper mention that strengthen the claim of her review?
• The second paragraph of the essay offers background information for the film and a summary of the plot without spoilers for the reader who has not seen this film. What kind of information does Cooper interweave in the review that seems to be important for readers to determine whether they should watch the film? How does Cooper summarize the plot, giving specific details, without giving away the end?

Emma Cooper

Emma Cooper is a biology major and international development studies minor from Wichita, Kansas. On campus, she calls Lewis Hall her home and is passionate about working with GlobeMed and Best Buddies. In the future, she hopes to attend medical school and become a pediatric neurologist. Her piece, "The Perks of The Perks of Being a Wallflower ," is a movie review and analysis of Steven Chobsoky’s movie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower . Inspiration for this piece came from the viewing of the movie and the strong impact that it had on Emma. She would like to thank her Writing and Rhetoric instructor, professor Deborah Forteza, for all of her help with this piece and for improving her writing ability.

• Ask LitCharts AI
• Discussion Question Generator
• Essay Prompt Generator
• Quiz Question Generator

• Literature Guides
• Poetry Guides
• Shakespeare Translations
• Literary Terms

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Stephen chbosky.

Ask LitCharts AI: The answer to your questions

Charlie’s experiences throughout his first year of high school re-shape his understanding of relationships and intimacy, transforming him from an emotionally numb and isolated boy to an affectionate young man with several healthy, intimate relationships. Charlie’s initial difficulty with intimacy springs from growing up in a household in which expressing affection was taboo, as well as from his childhood molestation at the hands of his beloved Aunt Helen . Because of this, Charlie has to relearn the boundaries between intimacy and abuse, figuring out what kinds of relationships are good for him and which are harmful. Furthermore, since Charlie hasn’t seen many healthy relationships, he believes at first that passivity and putting others before himself are the surest ways to demonstrate his care for his friends. Through his friendships, however, Charlie discovers that loving and respecting himself is a prerequisite for having healthy relationships with others, and that love is an essential resource for cultivating happiness and coping with hardship.

For most of Charlie’s life, the examples he had for loving relationships either lacked outward affection or were abuse masked as care. Several times throughout the novel, Charlie comments on how his family doesn't hug or say “I love you” often. His father treats his emotions like carefully guarded secrets, and his mother , who will cry publicly, doesn’t speak very often, much less say how she feels. Charlie’s older siblings also refrain to openly showing care for one another, and regularly hurl insults at each other. Charlie’s grandfather , like many men, was taught that anger is the only appropriate emotion for men to express. Therefore, when Charlie kisses his grandfather’s cheek, his grandfather wipes the kiss away, showing disdain for open affection, especially between men. In a family reluctant to show affection, Aunt Helen was the only one who hugged Charlie. But because he was sexually abused by the only family member who regularly showed him warmth and affection, his perception of intimacy is warped, as it has become conflated with abuse. Adding to the trauma of his abuse, his cold family environment discouraged him from talking about his emotions and experiences, so he carried his trauma in silence, making him feel all the more alone.

While Charlie’s family is generally cold, his new friends and mentors at school love him and want to be close with him, which helps Charlie come to a better understanding of how to build healthy relationships. After Charlie tells Bill , his English teacher, that his sister’s boyfriend hit her, Bill says, “Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve,” which is illuminating to Charlie. He had never considered before that, in order to have good relationships with other people, one must fist have a good relationship with oneself.

The freedom of adolescence and his supportive peer group provide spaces in which Charlie can explore intimacy as well as sexuality. He shares his first kiss with Sam , and from there, he progresses to his first consensual sexual experience with Mary Elizabeth . These experiences are gentle and without the predatory power dynamic in which Charlie’s aunt Helen placed him. Because of this, Charlie is able to rediscover intimacy with young women his age. Still, despite Charlie’s tremendous progress in building healthy relationships with others, he struggles in the situations in which intimacy is most complex. For example, though Charlie begins engaging in consensual intimacy, he still doesn’t know how to reject unwanted advances. When Patrick kisses him, Charlie just lets it happen, thinking that’s what friends do, but Sam later explains to him that participating in relationships requires honesty and action. She says, “You can’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love…You have to do things.” This is perhaps the first time that someone else has called out Charlie’s flawed view of relationships and taken the time to help him fix it.

Though Charlie has learned about the importance of honesty in relationships, he can’t bring himself to be honest and break up with Mary Elizabeth for fear of hurting her. Instead, he lets his resentment of her gradually build until he chooses to be “honest” at precisely the wrong moment by kissing Sam instead of Mary Elizabeth during truth or dare. Charlie also struggles with applying his newfound relationship wisdom to his cold and silent family, and when he takes action to safeguard his sister —by confessing to Bill that her boyfriend hit her—she tells him that she hates him and stops speaking to him for a while. At times, Charlie’s efforts to love his family only make him feel more ostracized. Eventually, however, when Charlie’s sister becomes pregnant and decides to get an abortion, Charlie takes care of her and drives her to the clinic. This moment of working through difficulty together brings them closer, and afterwards the chilly family atmosphere dissipates a little—they even say “I love you” to each other more often.

Charlie’s traumatic childhood experiences skewed his understanding of intimacy from an early age, and his family’s aloof dynamic only deepened his inability to reciprocate affection. However, once he enters adolescence and finds a new friend group, he has increased freedom to relearn relationship dynamics and explore healthy forms of intimacy. In his relationships with his friends, Charlie learns that he is deserving of love and capable of reciprocating it, even when that proves more complicated (as it often does) than passively placing their desires in front of his own.

Relationships and Intimacy ThemeTracker

Relationships and Intimacy Quotes in The Perks of Being a Wallflower

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.

Some kids look at me strange in the hallways because I don’t decorate my locker, and I’m the one who beat up Sean and couldn’t stop crying after he did it. I guess I’m pretty emotional.

I walked into the kitchen, and I saw my dad making a sandwich…and crying. He was crying harder than even my mom. And I couldn’t believe it. When he finished making his sandwich, he put away the things in the refrigerator and stopped crying and wiped his eyes and saw me. Then, he walked up, patted my shoulder, and said, “This is our little secret, okay, champ?”

“Okay,” I said.

Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve.

I feel infinite.

“He’s something, isn’t he?”

Bob nodded his head. Patrick then said something I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

“He’s a wallflower.”

And Bob really nodded his head. And the whole room nodded their head. And I started to feel nervous in the Bob way, but Patrick didn’t let me get too nervous. He sat down next to me.

“You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.”

I have decided that maybe I want to write when I grow up. I just don’t know what I would write.

Sometimes, I look at my parents now and wonder what happened to make them the way they are. And I wonder what will happen to my sister when her boyfriend graduates from law school. And what my brother’s face will look like on a football card, or what it will look like if it is never on a football card. My dad played college baseball for two years, but he had to stop when Mom got pregnant with my brother. That’s when he started working at the office.

When we were all getting ready to leave, I walked up to my grandfather and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He wiped my lip print off with his palm and gave me a look. He doesn’t like the boys in the family to touch him. But I’m very glad that I did it anyway in case he dies. I never got to do that with my Aunt Helen.

I had an amazing feeling when I finally held the tape in my hand. I just thought to myself that in the palm of my hand, there was this one tape that had all of these memories and feelings and great joy and sadness. Right there in the palm of my hand. And how many people got through a lot of bad times because of those songs. And how many people enjoyed good times with those songs.

It was an old 45 record that had the Beatles’ song “Something.” I used to listen to it all the time when I was little and thinking about grown-up things. I would go to my bedroom window and stare at my reflection in the glass and the trees behind it and just listen to the song for hours. I decided then that when I met someone I thought was as beautiful as the song, I should give it to that person. And I didn’t mean beautiful on the outside. I meant beautiful in all ways. So, I was giving it to Sam.

“I want to make sure that the first person you kiss loves you. Okay?”

I feel like a big faker because I’ve been putting my life back together, and nobody knows.

I don't know what it was, and I know we didn't really accomplish

anything, but it felt great to sit there and talk about our place in things. It was like when Bill told me to “participate.” I went to the homecoming dance like I told you before, but this was much more fun. It was especially fun to think that people all over the world were having similar conversations in their equivalent of the Big Boy.

I won't go into detail about the whole show, but I had the best time I ever had in my whole life. I'm not kidding. I got to pretend that I was singing, and I got to dance around, and I got to wear a “feather boa” in the grande finale, which I wouldn't have thought anything of because it's part of the show, but Patrick couldn't stop talking about it.

Just before she fell asleep, she said, "Well, if you're going to smoke, crack the window at least." Which made me start laughing again.

"Charlie, smoking. I can't believe it."

Which made me laugh harder, and I said, "I love you." And my sister said, "I love you, too. Just stop it with the laughing already."

I could say that it was the wine or the beer that I chugged. I could also say that I had forgotten the time Mary Elizabeth asked me if I thought she was pretty. But I would be lying. The truth is that when Patrick dared me, I knew that if I kissed Mary Elizabeth, I would be lying to everyone. Including Sam. Including Patrick. Including Mary Elizabeth. And I just couldn't do it anymore. Even if it was part of a game.

“You ever think, Charlie, that our group is the same as any other group like the football team? And the only real difference between us is what we wear and why we wear it?”

“Yeah?” And there was this pause.

“Well, I think it's all bullshit.”

And he meant it. It was hard to see him mean it that much.

So, he said “thanks” and hugged me again. And moved in to kiss me again. And I just let him. I don't know why. We stayed in his car for a long time.

“Charlie. Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. I just want you to know that you're very special . . . and the only reason I'm telling you is that I don't know if anyone else ever has.”

“Charlie, don't you get it? I can't feel that. It's sweet and everything, but it's like you're not even there sometimes. It's great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about when someone doesn't need a shoulder. What if they need the arms or something like that? You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things.”

“I can't do that anymore. I'm sorry,” I said.

“It's okay, Charlie. Just go to sleep,” Sam said.

But I wasn't talking to Sam anymore. I was talking to someone else. When I fell asleep, I had this dream. My brother and my sister and I were watching television with my Aunt Helen. Everything was in slow motion. The sound was thick. And she was doing what Sam was doing. That's when I woke up. And I didn't know what the hell was going on.

• Quizzes, saving guides, requests, plus so much more.