vesak festival essay grade 6

Essay on Vesak Festival

Students are often asked to write an essay on Vesak Festival in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Vesak Festival

What is vesak festival.

Vesak Festival, also known as Buddha Day, is a special day for Buddhists around the world. It is the day when Buddhists celebrate the birth, enlightenment, and passing away of the Buddha.

When is Vesak Festival Celebrated?

Vesak Festival is usually celebrated on the full moon day of the fourth month in the Buddhist calendar. This usually falls in May or June.

How is Vesak Festival Celebrated?

Buddhists celebrate Vesak Festival in many ways. Some people go to temples to pray and meditate. Others decorate their homes with flowers and lights. Many people also give gifts to their friends and family. Some Buddhists also take part in special parades and processions.

250 Words Essay on Vesak Festival

Vesak festival: a celebration of buddha’s life.

Vesak is an important festival celebrated by Buddhists all over the world. It is a day to commemorate the birth, enlightenment, and passing away of Gautama Buddha, the founder of Buddhism. This day is also known as Buddha Purnima or Buddha Jayanti.

Observing Vesak

Significance of vesak.

Vesak is a time for Buddhists to reflect on the teachings of Buddha and to renew their commitment to following his path. It is also a time to celebrate the life of someone who brought enlightenment to the world. Buddhists believe that by celebrating Vesak, they can generate good karma and create a more peaceful and compassionate world.

Vesak in Different Countries

Vesak is celebrated on different dates in different countries, depending on the lunar calendar followed. In Sri Lanka, it is celebrated on the full moon day of May. In Thailand, it is celebrated on the full moon day of May or June. In India, it is celebrated on the full moon day of April or May.

Vesak is a beautiful and meaningful festival that celebrates the life and teachings of Buddha. It is a time for Buddhists to come together and share their faith and devotion.

500 Words Essay on Vesak Festival

Vesak Festival is a very important day for Buddhists all over the world. It marks the birth, enlightenment, and death of Gautama Buddha. This makes Vesak a day filled with joy, reflection, and peace. People celebrate it on the full moon day of the month of May. Because the moon is full, it is a special sign that it is time to remember the teachings of Buddha.

How People Celebrate Vesak

On Vesak day, Buddhists start their celebration early in the morning. They go to temples to pray and remember the life of Buddha. Many people also dress in white clothes. Wearing white is a way to show they are pure and are thinking about peace and kindness on this day.

Another important part of Vesak is helping others. Buddhists believe in doing good things and being kind to all living beings. On Vesak, they give food to the poor and help those who need it. They also take care not to harm any animals. This is their way of showing love and respect for all life, just as Buddha taught.

Special Events During Vesak

In many countries, there are unique events that happen only during Vesak. For example, in Sri Lanka, there is a big parade called the Vesak Perahera. This parade has dancers, drummers, and decorated elephants. It is a way to show respect for Buddha and share the joy of the festival with everyone.

The Meaning of Vesak for Buddhists

Vesak is not just a day for fun and celebration. It is a time for Buddhists to think deeply about their lives and how they can follow Buddha’s teachings. They think about how to be kind, how to live in peace with others, and how to be wise in their choices.

For Buddhists, Vesak is a reminder that everyone has the potential to find enlightenment, just like Buddha did. It is a day to feel hopeful and to work towards being the best person one can be.

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Vesak Festival (Buddha Purnima) | Significance | Celebration | Essay

February 16, 2018 by Study Mentor Leave a Comment

Vesak, or roughly we can call it as the birth of Lord Gautam Buddha is the festival to celebrate the birth of Lord Buddha who was the founder of the world famous religion Buddhism which is also predominately followed or practiced by a good majority of people all over the world.

It is also a well-known fact that India is the origin of the beginning of the teaching of Buddhism and that Gautam Buddha started preaching about Buddhism from here in India.

So, before we move on to as how the festival is celebrated in the different parts of the world let us first discuss what is the significance behind the celebration of this festival ‘Vesak’ is?

Table of Contents

When is Vesak celebrated?

Although the followers and the devotees of Lord Gautam Buddha are found all over the world but the festival is seen to be majorly celebrated by the East Asian countries.

They celebrate the festival of ‘Vesak’ more traditionally than other countries who practices the religion of Lord Buddha.

Of such many countries that celebrate and observe the day of ‘Vesak, few countries that are a must to include here are, Nepal, Sri Lanka  India, Bhutan, South Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Singapore, and Indonesia.

These are the prominent countries that celebrate the birth of Lord Buddha and his life and teachings.  The countries such as Nepal, Sri Lanka and India which used to celebrate the day on the full moon day which used to fall according to the Hindu calendar, and the month would usually be falling on the Vaisakha month.

And thus the festival of Vesak is also termed to be Vaisakha. The day is also called and celebrated as Buddha Purnima, the term is Vesak otherwise when translated from Pali, from Sanskrit turns to be Purnima.

Which means full moon day, and so it is also called Buddha Purnima which is said to be observed on a full moon day.

However the celebration of the Vesak in the above mentioned three countries have come down to and according to the Gregorian calendar and the above mentioned countries celebrate the festival in the months of April and May.

On the time of a leap year the festival is often observed in the month of June, on a full moon day or Purnima.

In other countries the day is celebrated according to the Chinese lunar calendar. The observation day might vary in different countries and sometimes even the time period might not even match, but the day is said to vastly dependent on the lunar calendar of the Chinese.

The 14 th or the 15 th day of the lunar time period, or in some countries such as South Korea celebrates the day on 8 th day according to the fourth month that falls in the lunar calendar of the Chinese.

Japan celebrates the day of Vesak according to the Gregorian calendar and hence observes the day in the month of May.

What is the significance of Vesak?

It is a well-known fact by the devotees of Gautam Buddha that he was a selfless man who firmly believed in the art of selflessness, forgiveness and the righteousness, he believed in giving to others as much as he can and followed the path of dharma to attain moksha.

He was so pure with his flow of selflessness that he sacrificed the worldly pleasures of a king and accepted the life of a monk in order to help others. The festival of Vesak is observed or celebrated especially so that people can give back to society.

They help the underprivileged, the poor and the needy. They do so by providing them with food, clothes and shelter. The followers of the teachings of Lord Buddha visit the underprivileged, the homeless, the sick, the less fortunate, the disabled and the needy.

They provide them with fulfilling meals and even give them company for the day, in order to bring a light of hope and happiness in their lives.

The sole purpose of the celebration of this day is to light a spark of happiness in the life of other people especially in the lives of underprivileged.

There are different forms of bringing or providing people with happiness as practiced by people living in the different parts of the world.

There are not only rituals of providing the people who are needy, sick or unfortunate with monetary help but there are traditions in different parts of the world that devotees shall carry on the teaching of Lord Buddha, by reenacting the teachings of him.

They perform acts or plays so as to make the world aware of the enlightening teaching of Lord Buddha.

They even talk or speak about his early life, how he first entered into the world of attaining Moksha, how he left his worldly pleasures of being the emperor to becoming the Enlighted monk that ever walked on earth.

There are rituals where devotees of Lord Buddha also decorate the walls of temples and even the walls of some homage houses with the pictures of Buddha and his teachings.

They light candles in the worship places and even streets. All in all the celebration or the observation of the day ensures that the day is celebrated with utter happiness and joy and the day is filled with jolly thoughts of remembering Lord Buddha.

Another important and major aspect of the celebration of the day of ‘Vesak’ is paying respect and tribute to Lord Gautam Buddha. After all he is the reason the day is celebrated and observed worldwide and he is the founder of a new religion.

However Lord Gautam Buddha wished that at the end lay when he was breathing his final words, he wished that his devotees should not only see his death as a day to only pay homage to him and gift him precious garlands and sweets.

He wanted his followers to remember his preached words and not to forget his essence of life teachings. One of such disciples was Ananda whom Lord Gautam Buddha found crying as he was breathing in his final days, he whispered to him to not cry and be sad.

He even explained that it is also a part of once life that everyone has to go and that it is an inevitable part of once life, but in order to attain moksha or eternity one must follow the path of dharma or righteousness.

There are certain simple principles that a follower or the one who practices Buddhism has to abide by so as to attain moksha or divine eternity.

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Vesak: The Buddhist Festival of Lights

There was dancing, singing and garlands of coloured lamps in Colombo–the country was celebrating the Vesak festival. The garlands of multicoloured lamps and graceful lanterns cut out of cardboard showed the inexhaustible imagination of the craftsmen . . . I see the huge colourful pandals with the images of the Buddha and the contagious merriment of the young people in the streets…

That was how the Vesak Festival impressed Mr. Vladimir Yakovlov, the first Soviet Ambassador to Sri Lanka in 1957. He described the festival as something that impressed itself on his memory and “remained for life”. Many more like him from East and West alike have carried away pleasant memories of Vesak, Sri Lanka’s premier Buddhist festival, which commemorates the triple events of the birth, enlightenment and passing away of Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, more than 2500 years ago.

The dancing and singing in Colombo, and the garlands of coloured lamps described here, are not those of a carnival, but aspects of one of the most deeply religious festivals in all of Asia. The dancing is by the young sightseers who walk the brightly lit streets in the full moon night in May, making their way from one giant illumination to another. The singing is mainly by young people who join in groups to sing ” Bhakthi Gee “, devotional songs, in praise of the virtues of the Buddha and give lyrical expression of the teachings of the Buddha.

Buddhism, one of the oldest of living religions, had its origin in the 6th Century B.C., in India’s Ganges Valley. According to history and Buddhist tradition, its founder, the Sakya Prince Siddhartha Gautama, left his kingdom and family while still young, to seek the causes for the suffering prevalent in the inescapable cycle of birth, decay and death which all beings are subject to. The prince who became an ascetic and mendicant spent six years in his search for the truth.

He probed the existing philosophies of India to their depths, and subjected himself to extreme rigours of asceticism. Tradition holds it that he found the answers to his search on a full moon day in May, similar to the day he was born on. Enlightenment came to him as he was meditating seated under a peepul tree (Ficus religiosa), and then preached his philosophy built on uncompromising reason, and a ccx.ie of ethics espousing unsurpassed compassion and gentleness towards all.

For Sri Lankan Buddhists, Vesak has another major significance too. While it is believed that the Buddha passed away on the full moon day in May, it is the Sri Lankan tradition as laid down the ancient chronicles of the country that Prince Vijaya, the first Sinhalese settler, also arrived here from North India on the same day. In fact, the dying Buddha is believed to have said that his teachings should be preserved for 5,000 years in Sri Lanka.

Vesak, therefore, while celebrating the three major events in the life of the Buddha, also marks the anniversary of the founding of the Sinhalese race, Sri Lanka’s majority community On this eventful day. rich and poor alike participate in the mood of festivity. From dawn, when temple bells announce the festival, thousands of Buddhist devotees throng the many thousand Buddhist temples on the island. The are clad in white signifying purity of mind, and carry with them trays of fresh fragrant flowers to offer at the feet of the Buddha. Many of them also carry joss-sticks or incense sticks to be lit in the shrine rooms and bottles of coconut oil with which to fuel the brass and clay lamps in the temple. 

Outside the shrine room they pay homage to the peepul or bodhi tree which is always part of a temple, in thanksgiving for the shelter it gave the Buddha at the time of his meditation. Prayer flags are hung on the branches of the tree, and it is also customary for many Buddhists to make symbolic offerings of rice, freshly cooked vegetables and fruits to the Buddha.

The religious observances over, the celebration of Vesak begins at dusk, when the dust of the day settles down, and the full moon sheds its gentle glow on the land. Every household, from the smallest to the largest, even the homes of non-Buddhists in many areas. are illuminated with myriad lights. The lights of Vesak signify the Buddha’s success in dispelling the darkness of ignorance. The lights are in many forms. They range from the little flicker of flames from clay lamp- that burn coconut oil to the paper and bamboo lanterns- better known as “Vesak lanterns”, to a variety of forms of illumination using electric jets. It is the Vesak lantern which is synonymous with Vesak illumination. They are usually octagonal shapes, with a mother lantern carrying from four to sixteen little kid lanterns around it. Depending on the skill and imagination of the makers, the shapes and designs can form that of lotus blossoms to the shapes of modern aircraft and space vehicles.

Devotees light lamps at a shrine on Vesak day. (Suresh de Silva)

A great public attraction are the giant lanterns, some more than eighty feet tall and half that in circumference. These comprise huge lanterns made of paper and bamboo, with sometimes more than a hundred clusters of smaller lanterns around a giant mother creation. The large panels on the sides of the lanterns are used to depict pictures and paintings of Buddhist stories. The making of these lanterns takes several months, and it is not unusual to see young men start on them from as early as end-March in any year. These giant lanterns are on display for at least two weeks after the Vesak full moon and draw thousands of sightseers each night.

Another special feature of Vesak illumination are the “pandals”. These are large, lit-up screens with several panels depicting Buddhist stories. One panda! is generally devoted to one story. The more popular are the Jataka’ stories or the tales of the previous incarnations of the Buddha. There are more than 500 such stories in Buddhist lore, giving a wealth of material for the artists who are skilled in painting these larger than life panels. The Vesak pandals are the biggest public draw of the two nights of the festival. People come from distant towns and villages to see them, and follow the story as described over the public address system. Special buses operate to the pandals that draw the largest crowds, and the State buses run a special panda! service during the Vesak nights.

The streets of Colombo and the larger towns become parts of a constantly changing tableau of activity during the nights ofVesak. Puppeteers display their skills at some street junctions, and amateur dramatists present wayside theatricals at other places. At some key points in the city there will be popular musical groups giving special performances of local pop. Music from electronic synthesizers will mingle with the sound of the sitar and drums in some places, and white-clad singers of devotional songs will hold up traffic as they arrive in their special decorated floats.

The thousands upon thousands who will be going from place to place, viewing one decoration after another. will never go hungry or thirsty. They will be pampered with invitations to enjoy a coloured fruit drink or the refreshing juice of a young coconut from volunteers who have set up “dansalas” or alms halls. If you are in the mood for a meal of rice and vegetables, it will be difficult to resist the invitations of the larger “dansalas” that offer just this, for free, and shared merit.

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10 Lines On Vesak In English

Check 10 lines on vesak in English for Class 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Vesak is a very special festival for Buddhists all around the world. It is also known as Buddha Purnima or Buddha Jayanti. 

We’ll be discussing 10 lines on vesak in English. Also, we will have a look at the essay on vesak in English (paragraph on vesak in English). Let’s check them one by one.

• Buddhists all throughout the globe commemorate Vesak as a holiday.
• It is often referred to as Buddha Jayanti or Buddha Purnima.
• Vesak is celebrated to mark the birth, enlightenment, and death of Lord Buddha.
• It falls on the full moon day in the month of May.
• People decorate their homes and temples with colorful lights and flowers.
• Buddhists visit temples, chant prayers, and offer food to the monks.
• They also light oil lamps to symbolize the light of Lord Buddha’s teachings.
• Vesak is a time for reflection, meditation, and kindness towards all living beings.
• Buddhists believe that doing good deeds during Vesak brings good karma.
• Vesak is a day of peace, harmony, and joy for Buddhists around the world.

Essay On Vesak In English 

Paragraph on vesak in english.

Vesak is a very special festival for Buddhists all around the world. It is also known as Buddha Purnima or Buddha Jayanti. This festival is celebrated to mark the birth, enlightenment, and death of Lord Buddha. It falls on the full moon day in the month of May.

On Vesak, people decorate their homes and temples with colorful lights and flowers. Buddhists visit temples, chant prayers, and offer food to the monks. They also light oil lamps to symbolize the light of Lord Buddha’s teachings. Vesak is a time for reflection, meditation, and kindness towards all living beings.

Buddhists believe that doing good deeds during Vesak brings good karma. They also believe that by following the teachings of Lord Buddha, they can achieve inner peace and happiness.

Vesak is a day of peace, harmony, and joy for Buddhists around the world. It is a time to remember the life and teachings of Lord Buddha and to strive to live a life of compassion, kindness, and wisdom.

In conclusion, Vesak is a very important festival for Buddhists. It is a time for reflection, meditation, and kindness towards all living beings. By following the teachings of Lord Buddha, Buddhists aim to achieve inner peace and happiness. Vesak is a day of peace, harmony, and joy for Buddhists around the world.

Hope you learned about 10 lines on vesak in English.

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• Winner 2018: Vesak Day

Vesak Day My Favourite Festival

Essay writing competition 2018 category: 12 - 15 years - winner -.

Winner is "Vesak Day" written by Nuthara Karunarathna. 

Nuthara lives in Sri Lanka and is a learner at Lyceum International School in Panadura. Below you will find Nuthara's award-winning essay. Here she will tell you how she celebrates the holiday with her family and what makes this day so special.

What and when is Vesak Day?

Vesak Day is a celebration of the Full Moon and a Buddhist festival. Celebrated by Buddhists around the world, this religious holiday celebrates the birth of Buddha.

The next Vesak Day will be celebrated on 23 May 2024.

We sit before the altar at home and quietly chant our prayers in a soft song. The little Buddha statuette in the center looks down kindly on us, and a basket of fresh flowers sit before the statuette. Incense wafts over to us from the joss sticks stuck into the pot of sand. Before the altar, a clay lamp burns with a single bright flame.

A symbol of joy, of light, deliverance and peace. Later in the night, we will go out, my parents and sister and I, and walk through the streets admiring the houses lit with hundreds of paper lanterns and tiny lights and the candles hanging from the trees. We will smile in recognition when we see the Buddhist flag – red, yellow, blue, orange and white – hanging beside every gate. We will mingle with the throng that fills the streets tonight, and it will not be dark in any corner because everybody is celebrating this holy day, and proclaiming our joy with light and decoration.

This is our holy day, which we call Vesak, the day in which our Bodhisattva prince was born and when he attained enlightenment and became the Lord Buddha. This is the full moon day in which He passed away after preaching his doctrine to the world. This is the day when our savior was born into this world, and we celebrate with everlasting joy. People will stop us on the streets; smiling, welcoming people offering us a drink, or sweets, or a packet of rice or sweet potato, and we accept them because we know that they are not doing this for money, or gratitude, but out of the kindness of their hearts.

I love Vesak for this, because it makes people kind, and brings out the best in us. We will go to the temple, resplendent in colored lights and fresh garlands of flowers. We will worship the monk and take his blessing for the new year that dawns today. We will smile and kneel before the huge compassionate statue of our Lord Buddha and murmur a prayer for good health and happiness.

We will light a lamp in the courtyard before we go, a single flame to burn throughout the night and light the way for others. And there will be no shut doors today, no houses in the dark.

We are a country of many religions, but we all choose to celebrate together. And if I see a Catholic man helping his neighbor hang lights on his roof or a Hindu family admiring the pandols, I will not be surprised, but I will be glad.

Perhaps my family and I will push our way through the crowded streets to see the huge pandol in the square, a forty-foot tall construction of colored lights that shift and change, telling a story of Lord Buddha, and we will stand there looking up at the swathes of multicolored light lighting up even the dark night. And I will stand there in awe at what this day has done, for there are thousands of people looking up at the beauty of this, and all of us harbor the same joy in our hearts. Today, our religion brings us together.

Anything else you would like to tell us?

Buddhism is one of the oldest religions in the world, and it is followed in many Asian countries. By writing this I hope to share my experiences with the rest of the world and allow them to share in Vesak, which is our most important festival of the year.

In the Age category 12 -15 years, Nuthara is winning for the second year! This time she shares with us her insights into one of the big world religions, and we all can learn from her beautiful story about 'Vesak Day'. We are very grateful for this skilfully composed essay. Well done, Nuthara! Congratulations!

Do you want to join in our next competition? Then bookmark our page and join our annual essay writing competition with your own fabulous story.

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Vesak festival.

Simple idea…

The Vesak Poya is the day when the birth, enlightenment and enlightenment of Gautama Buddha took place. Buddhists in many countries around the world celebrate this Vesak Full Moon Poya day with following of “Amisa and Pratipatti Pooja” Dhamma.

About 624 BC, Prince Siddhartha was born on the full moon day of Vesak full moon in North India. Prince Siddhartha, who lived a life of all virtues, decided to abandon his personal comfort, happiness and kingship. He then went into the wilderness to meditate on the truth of the world. at the end He followed the “comprising principle” and realized the noble Buddha in the shade of an ash tree in the Gaya Head of the Neranjana River. Since then he has dedicated himself to building a better society by uplifting the virtues of people around the world. Gautama Buddha performed Pirinivas on the day of Vesak full moon in the Upanthwana Sal Sal forest in Malla Rata, Kusinara.

In addition to this, Sri Lankans also carry out decorations, pandals and lighting lanterns which belong to the Aamissa Pooja, the day after the Vesak Poya day. Not only Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims and Christians alike are united as one mother’s children for such things.

This Essay has 273 a words

Total number of words to be = 200 Total Marks = 14

Sinhala essay :- Vesak Festival – Grade 8

Shirantha Perera

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Santa Clara University Supplemental Essays 2022-23

Santa Clara University is a research university located in California. If you want to stand out in the SCU admissions process, the Santa Clara University supplemental essays can make a huge difference. In this guide, we’ll break down each of the Santa Clara supplemental essays in detail.

But before we dive into the Santa Clara essay prompts, let’s learn a bit more about the school. 

Santa Clara Supplemental Essays: Quick Facts

• Santa Clara University Acceptance Rate: 54%– According to U.S. News , the Santa Clara University Rankings is categorized as a more selective school. 
• 200 word essay (a “why Santa Clara” essay)
• 150 – 300 word essay (an additional essay about how you would address an ethical dilemma)
• Santa Clara University Application: Students must submit their Santa Clara University application through the Common Application . Make sure to have all of your Santa Clara supplemental essays and other required application materials prepared by the deadline 
• Early Decision: November 1st
• Early Action: November 1st
• Regular Decision: January 7th 
• Santa Clara University Supplemental Essays Tip: The Santa Clara University supplemental essays are your chance to stand out—so make the most of them. Think carefully about each of the Santa Clara supplemental essays, as they are a key component of your application. 

Does Santa Clara University have supplemental essays?

Yes. There are two Santa Clara University supplemental essays that students must complete. We’ll share the full prompts for the Santa Clara University supplemental essays later in this guide. 

The first of the two Santa Clara University supplemental essays is the “Why Santa Clara University” essay. It has a 200-word limit. This is a classic why this college essay. You might have encountered similar prompts for other colleges—and, if you have, you’re already one step ahead. 

The second of the Santa Clara University supplemental essays asks about how your education at SCU would prepare you to solve an ethical dilemma. This essay has a 150-300 word limit. 

Preparing for the Santa Clara supplemental essays

Given that there are two Santa Clara essay prompts, you should be prepared to spend ample time brainstorming. You should also plan to complete several drafts before you submit your Santa Clara supplemental essays. In this guide, we’ll help you approach this brainstorming process so that your responses to the Santa Clara essay prompts stand out in the admissions process. 

With each of the Santa Clara University supplemental essays, you should demonstrate your understanding of the university’s values and mission. Your Santa Clara essays should also highlight your own commitment to moral and ethical decision-making. 

As you approach the Santa Clara supplemental essays, try to reflect on your personal experiences and perspectives. Additionally, use your Santa Clara essays to think creatively about how you can contribute to a diverse and inclusive community at SCU. 

These Santa Clara University Supplemental essays are an important part of the application process and allow the admissions committee to get to know each applicant beyond their academic achievements and test scores.

What are the Santa Clara University essay prompts?

As mentioned, there are two Santa Clara supplemental essays. Here are the Santa Clara University essay prompts:

“Briefly describe what prompted you to apply to Santa Clara University. Based on what you know about SCU and our Jesuit mission to educate citizens and leaders of competence, conscience, and compassion, how do you envision your life at SCU and beyond?” (200 words)”

“at scu, we push our students to be creative, be challenged, and be the solution. think about an ethical dilemma that you care about that our society is currently facing. this can be something happening in your local community or more globally. how can an scu education help you prepare for and address this challenge” (150-300 words).

The Santa Clara University supplemental essays might look similar to those you’ve seen for other colleges. For instance, you’ve likely encountered a why this college essay at other schools. However, you’ll notice that SCU’s mission and philosophy are at the core of both Santa Clara University essay prompts. 

Next, let’s take a look at each of the Santa Clara University supplemental essays in more detail to help you craft good college essays. 

Santa Clara Supplemental Essays #1: Why This College?

Let’s look at the first of the Santa Clara University supplemental essays. The first of the Santa Clara essay prompts essentially asks “Why Santa Clara?”. 

“Briefly describe what prompted you to apply to Santa Clara University. Based on what you know about SCU and our Jesuit mission to educate citizens and leaders of competence, conscience, and compassion, how do you envision your life at SCU and beyond?” (200 words)

Before you start writing the Santa Clara essays, you should do some research about the university. So, let’s learn a bit more about Santa Clara University.

Santa Clara University is a private Jesuit university located in Santa Clara, California. Founded in 1851, it is the oldest operating institution of higher education in California. The university offers a range of undergraduate, graduate, and professional degree programs, and is known for its strong commitment to social justice and community engagement.

What does SCU value?

As you approach the Santa Clara essay prompts, you should understand that one of the defining characteristics of Santa Clara University is its Jesuit heritage. Jesuit education is rooted in the Catholic intellectual tradition. It emphasizes the development of the whole person—mind, body, and spirit. 

At SCU, this means a commitment to academic excellence, ethical leadership, and service to others. The university’s mission is to educate “men and women for others”—that is, to produce graduates who are not only well-educated but also committed to using their talents and skills to make a positive difference in the world. If these ideas resonate with you, you should use the Santa Clara University supplemental essays to show them. 

Highlighting academic “fit”

When answering the Santa Clara University essay prompts, you should also think about how your academic interests align with SCU’s offerings. This starts by understanding the Santa Clara University majors. 

There are more than 50 undergraduate Santa Clara University majors, as well as a range of graduate and professional degree programs. SCU is also home to several research centers and institutes, including the Markkula Center for Applied Ethics, the Ignatian Center for Jesuit Education, and the Miller Center for Social Entrepreneurship.

These centers provide students with opportunities to engage in research and scholarship that addresses real-world problems and contributes to the common good. If any of these programs pique your interest, you might mention it in your Santa Clara University supplemental essays. 

Location and opportunities

Lastly, the university’s location in the heart of Silicon Valley provides unique opportunities to engage with local organizations and address pressing issues. While location shouldn’t be the sole focus of your Santa Clara University supplemental essays, you can highlight how the school provides opportunities to get involved in the local community. 

SCU students are encouraged to get involved in service and social justice work through programs like the Thriving Neighbors Initiative, which seeks to promote economic and social equity in the surrounding community. The university also has a strong commitment to sustainability and environmental stewardship. In fact, SCU has implemented a range of programs and initiatives to reduce its carbon footprint and promote sustainable practices. 

Choose unique connections

Overall, your Santa Clara University supplemental essays should highlight what makes you the perfect fit for SCU—and how you would make SCU’s campus a better place. So, while you should highlight your interest in SCU, you should also ensure that you are at the center of each of your Santa Clara essays. This will help you make the most of the Santa Clara University essay prompts.

Stay away from rankings and statistics; instead, make sure each of your Santa Clara University supplemental essays is personal and specific. 

Santa Clara Essay Prompt #2: Ethical Dilemma

Next, let’s look at the second of the Santa Clara University essay prompts. 

Your Santa Clara essays provide the admissions team with additional information about you beyond your academic achievements and test scores. The second of the Santa Clara University supplemental essays asks you to choose an ethical dilemma and describe how your education would prepare you to make real-world change.

Highlight your unique perspective

As you approach the second of the Santa Clara supplemental essays, think about an ethical dilemma that matters to you. Pay attention to the prompt’s wording—what is a dilemma that would ask you to “be creative, be challenged, and be the solution”? 

Ideally, this should be a dilemma with which you have some amount of real-world experience or at least a unique perspective. Remember, your Santa Clara essays are a chance to show the admissions team who you are. So, choose something that highlights a key aspect of your identity. 

Center yourself, not your dilemma

Once you’ve chosen a dilemma, it’s time to start writing. As you write, don’t spend the bulk of your words explaining your chosen dilemma. Instead, try to limit your explanation to just a sentence or two. Then, use the rest of your essay to show your plan for approaching the dilemma you’ve chosen. 

How to write the Santa Clara University Supplemental Essays: More Advice

Looking for more targeted guidance on the Santa Clara essay prompts? Check out our tips below to approach each of the Santa Clara University supplemental essays with confidence. 

“Why Santa Clara University” Essay: Tips & Guidelines

1. research the university.

To answer the Santa Clara supplemental essays effectively, you’ll need a solid understanding of Santa Clara University and its Jesuit mission. Take some time to research the university’s history, programs, and values. Then, think about how they align with your own interests and goals. 

2. Be specific

When describing what prompted you to apply to Santa Clara, be as specific as possible. Explain what aspects of the university, such as its academic programs, location, or culture, appeal to you and why. Knowing which of the Santa Clara University majors you want to pursue before you apply can also help strengthen your application narrative. 

3. Connect your goals with SCU’s mission

To answer the second part of the question, think about how your personal and professional goals align with Santa Clara University’s Jesuit mission. SCU aims to educate citizens and leaders on competence, conscience, and compassion. So, explain how you see yourself contributing to this mission and how an SCU education can help you achieve your goals.

4. Show enthusiasm and commitment

Throughout your response, demonstrate your enthusiasm and commitment to Santa Clara University and its mission. Explain why you believe SCU is the right place for you to pursue your academic and personal goals, and show how you are excited about the opportunities that an SCU education can provide.

5. Be concise

With limited space in the Santa Clara supplemental essays, every word counts. Remember to stay within the word limit of 200 words. Use clear and direct language to make your points, and proofread your response carefully for grammar and spelling errors.

Do your research

Overall, to write strong Santa Clara supplemental essays, you should research the university, be specific about what appeals to you about SCU, connect your goals with the university’s mission, show enthusiasm and commitment, and be concise in your writing. 

By following these tips, you can demonstrate to the admissions committee that you are a strong fit for Santa Clara University and its values. The best college essays will highlight what makes you a great fit for SCU, both academically and personally. 

Ethical Dilemma Essay: Tips & Guidelines

1. choose a relevant ethical dilemma.

To write an effective response to this prompt, it’s important to choose an ethical dilemma that is both meaningful to you and relevant to the SCU community. Consider issues that are currently facing society, such as social justice, environmental sustainability, or healthcare access. 

2. Clearly articulate the dilemma

Once you’ve chosen an ethical dilemma to write about, clearly articulate what it is and why it matters to you. Use concrete examples and statistics to help illustrate the issue and explain why it is a challenge that needs to be addressed. Make sure your reader understands why your issue matters—while keeping it concise, of course. 

3. Explain how SCU can help

Next, explain how an SCU education can help you address the challenge. Consider the specific courses, programs, or opportunities that are available at SCU that would be relevant to the issue you’ve chosen. For example, you might discuss how SCU’s focus on social justice or sustainability could help you develop the skills and knowledge necessary to address your chosen challenge

4. Demonstrate your passion and commitment

Finally, demonstrate your passion and commitment to the ethical dilemma you’ve chosen. Explain why it matters to you personally and what steps you’ve taken or plan to take to address the issue. This will help highlight your knowledge, passion, and commitment.

Choose a strong topic

Overall, to write a strong response to this prompt, it’s important to choose a relevant ethical dilemma, clearly articulate the issue and why it matters, explain how an SCU education can help you address the challenge, and demonstrate your passion and commitment to making a difference. Remember to also stay within the word limit of 150-300 words and to proofread your response carefully before submitting.

Does Santa Clara University care about essays?

Yes—scu cares about the santa clara university supplemental essays..

As we’ve discussed, in addition to the Common Application personal statement , there are two Santa Clara supplemental essays. When taken as a whole, your application should show SCU who you are, what matters to you, and why you’d succeed on their campus. So, think carefully about what to include in each of your Santa Clara essays. 

The Santa Clara supplemental essays are designed to let you show your “fit” with the SCU community and mission, as well as your writing skills and personal qualities. The admissions committee at Santa Clara University reviews each application holistically, considering academic achievements, test scores, extracurricular activities, letters of recommendation , community service, personal qualities, and fit with the SCU community and mission. 

How your Santa Clara essays fit into the holistic review process

Good college essays provide valuable insights into a student’s character, interests, and goals. This helps SCU understand how each applicant can enrich the campus community. While the Santa Clara University acceptance rate may seem low, strong Santa Clara essays can increase your admissions odds. 

Of course, the Santa Clara essays are just one part of the application process. However, the best college essays can help you stand out and show how you “fit” with the school’s values. In the Santa Clara supplemental essays, think about how you can become a “citizen and leader of competence, conscience, and compassion”—that is, how you fit with SCU’s mission. By crafting the best college essays, applicants can increase their chances of acceptance.

Santa Clara University Admissions

Within the Santa Clara University application process, the Santa Clara University supplemental essays play an important role. The admissions process at Santa Clara University is competitive, with thousands of applicants vying for a limited number of spots each year. Given the high Santa Clara University ranking, you can expect the SCU admissions team to be discerning. 

For the class of 2025, there were nearly 28,000 applicants, making the Santa Clara University acceptance rate around 50%. So, if you want to increase your admissions odds, you should do all you can to craft a strong application. In your essays and extracurriculars, make sure to highlight your academic achievements, personal qualities, and commitment to Santa Clara University’s Jesuit mission.

You might also wonder how your academics compare to the average admitted student at SCU. For the class of 2025, the average GPA of admitted students fell in the range of 3.6-4.0. Like many schools , Santa Clara University currently has a test-optional policy . This means you can choose whether to submit SAT/ACT scores. Even with this policy, however, high scores can still help you impress the Santa Clara University admissions committee.

Beyond academics

Of course, your grades and scores matter. However, SCU looks at more than just academics when they review your Santa Clara University application. 

The Santa Clara University admissions committee takes a holistic approach to application review. They consider a range of factors including extracurricular activities, community service, personal qualities, and fit with the SCU community and mission. The Santa Clara University supplemental essays are a critical part of the application process. They provide applicants with an opportunity to demonstrate their writing skills, personal qualities, and fit with the university’s Jesuit values. 

Building a narrative

With so many qualified applicants, you’ll want to make sure that you craft an impressive Santa Clara University application narrative. The Santa Clara University supplemental essays play an important role in that narrative. Additionally, the Santa Clara essays matter even more if you have lower grades and scores. So, view each Santa Clara University essay as your opportunity to show what makes you stand out. Each of your Santa Clara University supplemental essays should teach the admissions team something new about you. 

Overall, while high grades and test scores are important factors in the Santa Clara University admissions process, a strong application takes a lot more. With strong Santa Clara University supplemental essays, you can highlight your unique strengths and experiences. That way, you can increase your chances of being accepted to Santa Clara University. 

Santa Clara Supplemental Essays — Key Takeaways

Santa Clara University is a dynamic and vibrant institution that is committed to academic excellence, ethical leadership, and service to others. Its Jesuit heritage and strong commitment to social justice and community engagement make it a unique and rewarding place to learn and grow. Try to take these concepts into account when answering the Santa Clara University essay prompts.

The Santa Clara University supplemental essays are a critical component of the application process. The university’s holistic approach to admissions means that high grades and test scores alone are not enough to guarantee acceptance. Through their Santa Clara essays, applicants must showcase their personal qualities, achievements, and fit with the university’s Jesuit mission. The two Santa Clara supplemental essays offer applicants an opportunity to demonstrate their understanding of the university’s values, mission, and culture, as well as their own commitment to ethical decision-making and community engagement. 

Remember, strong essays take time

To write strong responses to the Santa Clara supplemental essays, applicants should take the time to research the university, be specific about what appeals to them about SCU, connect their goals with the university’s mission, show enthusiasm and commitment, and be concise in their writing. This takes time and effort—so don’t leave your Santa Clara essays to the last minute. Learning more about how to write a why this college Essay can also help you write good college essays for Santa Clara University. 

It is worth noting that the admissions process at Santa Clara University is competitive. However, with the right approach to the application process, including crafting strong responses to the Santa Clara University essay prompts, you can increase your odds. In your essays, highlight your personal achievements, unique experiences, and commitment to the university’s values and mission. 

CollegeAdvisor can help!

In summary, the Santa Clara University supplemental essays matter, and you should take them seriously. Remember, the supplemental essays and personal statement questions are the best ways for you to make a lasting impression on the admissions team. So, make sure that each of your Santa Clara University supplemental essays counts. 

We hope this guide prepared you to write strong Santa Clara essays that highlight your strengths. Good luck!

This guide was written by Deepak Kejariwal . Looking for more admissions support? Click here to schedule a free meeting with one of our Admissions Specialists. During your meeting, our team will discuss your profile and help you find targeted ways to increase your admissions odds at top schools. We’ll also answer any questions and discuss how CollegeAdvisor.com can support you in the college application process.

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12 Great University of California Essay Examples

What’s covered, essay #1: leadership, essay #2: creativity, essay #3: creativity, essay #4: creativity, essay #5: talent, essay #6: talent, essay #7: academic interest, essay #8: academic interest, essay #9: community, essay #10: community, essay #11: community, essay #12: community.

The University of California system is comprised of nine undergraduate universities, and is one of the most prestigious public school systems in the country. The UC schools have their own application system, and students must respond to four of eight personal insight questions in 350 words each. Every UC school you apply to receives the same application and essays, so it’s important that your responses accurately represent your personality and writing abilities. 

In this post, we’ll share some UC essay examples and go over what they did well and where they could improve. We will also point you to free resources you can use to improve your college essays. 

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Read our guide to the UC personal insight questions for more tips on writing strong essays for each of the prompts.

Prompt: Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time. (350 words)

1400 lines of code. 6 weeks. 1 Pizza.

I believe pizza makers are the backbone of society. Without pizza, life as we know it would cease to exist. From a toddler’s birthday party to President Obama’s sporadic campaigning cravings, these 8 slices of pure goodness cleverly seep into every one of our lives; yet, we never talk about it. In a very cheesy way, I find representation in a pizza maker. 

The most perplexing section of physiology is deciphering electrocardiograms. According to our teacher, this was when most students hit their annual trough. We had textbooks and worksheets, but viewing printed rhythms and attempting to recognize them in real-time is about as straining as watching someone eat pizza crust-first. Furthermore, online simulators were vastly over-engineered, featuring complex interfaces foreign to high-school students.

Eventually, I realized the only way to pull myself out of the sauce was by creating my own tools. This was also the first year I took a programming course, so I decided to initiate a little hobbyist experiment by extrapolating knowledge from Computer Science and Physiology to code and share my own Electrocardiogram Simulator. To enhance my program, I went beyond the textbook and classroom by learning directly from Java API – the programmer’s Bible.

The algorithms I wrote not only simulated rhythms in real-time but also actively engaged with the user, allowing my classmates and I to obtain a comprehensive understanding of the curriculum. Little did I know that a small project born out of desperation would eventually become a tool adopted by my teacher to serve hundreds of students in the future.

Like pizza, people will reap the benefits of my app over and over again, and hardly anyone will know its maker. Being a leader doesn’t always mean standing at the front of rallies, giving speeches, and leading organizations. Yes, I have done all three, but this app taught me leaders are also found behind-the-scenes, solving problems in unimaginable ways and fulfilling the hidden, yet crucial niches of the world. 

1400 lines of code, and 6 weeks later, it’s time to order a pizza. 

What the Essay Did Well

This is a great essay because it is both engaging and informative. What exactly does it inform us about? The answer: the personality, work ethic, and achievements of this student (exactly what admissions officers want to hear about).

With regards to personality, the pizza through-line—which notably starts the essay, ends the essay, and carries us through the essay—speaks volumes about this student. They are admittedly “cheesy,” but they appear unabashedly themself. They own their goofiness. That being said, the student’s pizza connections are also fitting and smoothly advance their points—watching someone eat pizza crust-first is straining and pizza is an invention that hardly anyone can identify the maker of. 

While we learn about this student’s fun personality in this essay, we also learn about their work ethic. A student who takes the initiative to solve a problem that no one asked them to solve is the kind of student an admissions officer wants to admit. The phrase “I decided to initiate a little hobbyist experiment” alone tells us that this student is a curious go-getter.

Lastly, this student tells us about their achievements in the last two paragraphs. Not only did they take the initiative to create this program, but it was also successful. On top of that, it’s notable how this student’s accomplishments as a leader defy the traditional expectations people have for leaders. The student’s ability to demonstrate their untraditional leadership path is an achievement in itself that sets the student apart form other applicants.

What Could Be Improved

This is a strong essay as is, but the one way this student could take it above and beyond would be to tell less and show more. To really highlight the student’s writing ability, the essay should  show the reader all the details it’s currently telling us. For example, these sentences primarily tell the reader what happened: “The most perplexing section of physiology is deciphering electrocardiograms. According to our teacher, this was when most students hit their annual trough.” 

Rewriting this sentence to show the reader the student’s impetus for creating their app could look like this: “When my teacher flashed the electrocardiogram on the screen, my once attentive physiology class became a sea of blank stares and furrowed brows.” This sentence still conveys the key details—student’s in the physiology class found electrocardiograms to be the hardest unit of the year—but it does so in a far more descriptive way. Implementing this exercise of rewriting sentences to show what happened throughout the piece would elevate the entire essay.

Prompt: Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side. (350 words)

For the past few years, participating in debate has been one of the foremost expressions of my creativity. Nothing is as electrifying as an Asian parliamentary-style debate. Each team is given only thirty minutes to prepare seven-minute speeches to either support or oppose the assigned motion. Given the immense time pressure, this is where my creativity shines most brightly.

To craft the most impactful and convincing argument, I have to consider the context of the motion, different stakeholders, the goals we want to achieve, the mechanisms to reach those goals, and so much more. I have to frame these arguments effectively and paint a compelling and cohesive world to sway my listeners to my side on both an emotional and logical level. For example, In a debate about the implementation of rice importation in the Philippines, I had to frequently switch between the macro perspective by discussing the broad economic implications of the policy and the micro perspective by painting a picture of the struggles that local rice farmers would experience when forcefully thrust into an increasingly competitive global economy. It’s a tough balancing act.

To add to the challenge, there is an opposing team on the other side of the room hell-bent on disproving everything I say. They generate equally plausible sounding arguments, and my mission is to react on the spot to dispel their viewpoints and build up our team’s case.

When two debate teams, both well-prepared and hungry for victory, face off and try to out-think one another, they clash to form a sixty-minute thunderstorm raining down fierce arguments and rebuttals. They fill up a room with unbelievable energy. After several years of debate, I have developed the capacity to still a room of fury and chaos with nothing but my words and wit.

Debate has been instrumental in shaping me into the person I am today. Because of debate, I have become a quicker and stronger thinker. Lightning quick on my feet, I am ready to thoroughly and passionately defend my beliefs at a moment’s notice.

This prompt is about creativity, though its wording emphasizes how students aren’t required to talk about typically-creative subjects. That said, it might take a bit more work and explanation (even creativity, one could say) to position a logical process as creative. This student’s main strength is the way they convince the reader that debate is creative.

First, they identify how “Asian parliamentary-style debate” differs from other forms of debate, emphasizing how time constraints necessitate the use of creativity. Then, they explain how both the argument’s content (the goals and solutions they outline) and the argument’s composition (the way they frame the argument) must be creatively orchestrated to be convincing. 

To drive home the point that debate is a creative process, this student provides an example of how they structured their argument about rice importation in the Philippines. This essay is successful because, after reading it, an admissions officer has no doubt that this student can combine logic and creativity to think intellectually.

One aspect of this essay that could be improved is the language use. Although there are some creative metaphors like the “sixty-minute thunderstorm raining down fierce arguments”, the essay is lacking the extra oomph and wow-factor that carefully chosen diction provides. In the second paragraph, the student repeats the phrase “I have to” three different times when stronger, more active verbs could have been used.

Essays should always reflect the student’s natural voice and shouldn’t sound like every word came straight out of a thesaurus, but that doesn’t mean they can’t incorporate a bit of colorful language. If this student took the time to go through their essay and ask themself if an overused word could be replaced with a more exciting one, it would make the essay much more interesting to read.

As I open the door to the Makerspace, I am greeted by a sea of cubicle-like machines and I watch eagerly, as one of them completes the final layer of my print.

Much like any scientific experiment, my countless failures in the Makerspace – hours spent designing a print, only to have it disintegrate – were my greatest teachers. I learned, the hard way, what types of shapes and patterns a 3D printer would play nice to. Then, drawing inspiration from the engineering method, I developed a system for myself – start with a solid foundation and add complexity with each iteration – a flourish here, a flying buttress there. 

But it wasn’t until the following summer, vacationing on a beach inundated with plastic, that the “aha” moment struck. In an era where capturing people’s attention in a split-second is everything, what better way to draw awareness to the plastic problem than with quirky 3D-printed products? By the time I had returned home, I had a business case on my hands and a desire to make my impact.

Equipped with vital skills from the advanced math-and-science courses I had taken in sophomore year, I began applying these to my growing business. Using my AP Chemistry analytical laboratory skills, I devised a simple water bath experiment to test the biodegradability claims of 3D-printer filaments from different manufacturers, guaranteeing that my products could serve as both a statement and play their part for our planet. The optimization techniques I had learned in AP Calculus were put to good use, as I determined the most space-efficient packaging for my products, reducing my dependence on unsustainable filler material. Even my designs were tweaked and riffed on to reflect my newfound maturity and keen eye for aesthetics.

My business is still going strong today, raising $1000 to date. I attribute this success to a fateful spark of creative inspiration, which has, and will, continue to inspire me to weave together multiple disciplines to address issues as endemic as the plastic problem. 

This essay begins with a simple, yet highly effective hook. It catches readers’ attention by only giving a hint about the essay’s main topic, and being a standalone paragraph makes it all the more intriguing. 

The next paragraph then begins with a seamless transition that ties back to the Makerspace. The essay goes on to show the writer’s creative side and how it has developed over time. Rather than directly stating “I am most creative when I am working on my business,” the writer tells the story of their creativity while working with 3-D printers and vacationing on the beach. 

It is the “aha” moment that perhaps responds to the prompt best. Here we get to see the writer create a new idea on the spot. The next two paragraphs then show the writer executing on their idea in great detail. Small and specific details, such as applying analytical laboratory skills from AP Chemistry, make the writer’s creativity come to life. 

From start to finish, this essay shows that the key to writing a stellar response to this prompt is to fill your writing with details and vivid imagery. 

The second to last paragraph of this essay focuses a bit too much on how the writer built their business. Though many of these details show the writer’s creativity in action, a few of them could be restated to make the connection to creativity clearer. The last sentences could be rewritten like so: 

Working on my business was where my creativity blossomed. In my workshop, optimization techniques that I learned in AP Calculus became something new — the basis for space-efficient packaging for my products that reduced my dependence on unsustainable filler material…

Profusely sweating after trying on what felt like a thousand different outfits, I collapsed on the floor in exasperation. The heaping pile of clothes on my bed stared me down in disdain; with ten minutes left to spare before the first day of seventh grade, I let go of my screaming thoughts and settled on the very first outfit I tried on: my favorite.

Donning a neon pink dress, that moment marked the first time I chose expression over fear. Being one of the few Asians in my grade, clothing was my source of disguise. I looked to the bold Stacy London of What Not to Wear for daily inspiration, but, in actuality, I dressed to conceal my uniqueness so I wouldn’t be noticed for my race. Wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I envied the popular girls who hiked their shorts up just a few inches higher than dress code allowed and flaunted Uggs decorated with plastic jewels, a statement that Stacy London would have viewed as heinous and my mother impractical. 

However, entering school that day and the days after, each compliment I received walking down the hallways slowly but surely broke down the armored shield. Morphing into an outlet to amplify my voice and creativity, dressing up soon became what I looked forward to each morning. I was awarded best dressed the year after that during my middle school graduation, a recognition most would scoff at. But, to me, that flimsy paper certificate was a warm embrace telling me that I was valued for my originality and expression. I was valued for my differences. 

Confidence was what I found and is now an essential accessory to every outfit I wear. Taking inspiration from vintage, simplistic silhouettes and Asian styles, I adorn my body’s canvas with a variety of fabrics and vibrant colors, no longer depriving it of the freedom to self expression and cultural exploration. I hope that my future will open new doors for me, closet doors included, at the University of California with opportunities to intertwine creativity with my identity even further.

Colorful language and emotion are conveyed powerfully in this essay, which is one of its key strengths. We can see this in the first paragraph, where the writer communicates that they were feeling searing judgment by using a metaphor: “the heaping pile of clothes on my bed stared me down.” The writer weaves other rich phrases into the essay — for example, “my screaming thoughts” — to show readers their emotions. All of these writing choices are much more moving than plainly stating “I was nervous.”

The essay moves on to tell a story that responds to the prompt in a unique way. While typical responses will be about a very direct example of expressing creativity, e.g. oil painting, this essay has a fittingly creative take on the prompt. The story also allows the writer to avoid a common pitfall — talking more about the means of being creative rather than how those means allow you to express yourself. In other words, make sure to avoid talking about the act of oil painting so much that your essay loses focus on what painting means to you.

The last sentence of the essay is one more part to emulate. “I hope that my future will open new doors for me, closet doors included…” is a well-crafted, flawlessly succinct metaphor that looks to the future while connecting the end of the essay to its beginning. The metaphors are then juxtaposed with a summary of the essay’s main topic: “intertwine creativity with my identity.” 

This essay’s main areas for improvement are grammatical. What Not to Wear should be italicized, “self-expression” should be hyphenated, and the last sentence could use the following tweaks to make it less of a run-on: “I hope that my future will open new doors for me, closet doors included, at the University of California. There, I will have opportunities to intertwine creativity with my identity even further.”

Since identity is the main topic of this essay, it would also be fitting for the writer to go into more depth about it. The immediate takeaways from the essay are that the writer is Asian and interested in fashion — however, more descriptions could be added to these parts. For example, the writer could replace Asian with Laotian-American and change a sentence in the second to last paragraph to “dressing up in everything from bell bottom jeans to oversized flannel shirts soon became what I looked forward to each morning.”

Prompt: What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time? (350 words)

Let’s fast-forward time. Strides were made toward racial equality. Healthcare is accessible to all; however, one issue remains. Our aquatic ecosystems are parched with dead coral from ocean acidification. Climate change has prevailed.

Rewind to the present day.

My activism skills are how I express my concerns for the environment. Whether I play on sandy beaches or rest under forest treetops, nature offers me an escape from the haste of the world. When my body is met by trash in the ocean or my nose is met by harmful pollutants, Earth’s pain becomes my own. 

Substituting coffee grinds as fertilizer, using bamboo straws, starting my sustainable garden, my individual actions needed to reach a larger scale. I often found performative activism to be ineffective when communicating climate concerns. My days of reposting awareness graphics on social media never filled the ambition I had left to put my activism skills to greater use. I decided to share my ecocentric worldview with a coalition of environmentalists and host a climate change rally outside my high school.

Meetings were scheduled where I informed students about the unseen impact they have on the oceans and local habitual communities. My fingers were cramped from all the constant typing and investigating of micro causes of the Pacific Waste Patch, creating reusable flyers, displaying steps people could take from home in reducing their carbon footprint. I aided my fellow environmentalists in translating these flyers into other languages, repeating this process hourly, for five days, up until rally day. 

It was 7:00 AM. The faces of 100 students were shouting, “The climate is changing, why can’t we?” I proudly walked on the dewy grass, grabbing the microphone, repeating those same words. The rally not only taught me efficient methods of communication but it echoed my environmental activism to the masses. The City of Corona would be the first of many cities to see my activism, as more rallies were planned for various parts of SoCal. My once unfulfilled ambition was fueled by my tangible activism, understanding that it takes more than one person to make an environmental impact.

One of the largest strengths of this response is its speed. From the very beginning, we are invited to “fast-forward” and “rewind” with the writer. Then, after we focus ourselves in the present, this writer keeps their quick pace with sentences like “Substituting coffee grounds as fertilizer, using bamboo straws, starting my sustainable garden, my individual actions needed to reach a larger scale.” A common essay-writing blunder is using a predictable structure that loses the attention of the reader, but this unique pacing keeps things interesting.

Another positive of this essay is how their passion for environmental activism shines through. The essay begins by describing the student’s connection to nature (“nature offers me an escape from the haste of the world”), moves into discussing the personal actions they have taken (“substituting coffee grounds as fertilizer”), and then explains the rally the student hosted. While the talent the student is writing about is their ability to inspire others to fight against climate change, establishing the personal affinity towards nature and individual steps they took demonstrate the development of their passion. This makes their talent appear much more significant and unique. 

This essay could be improved by being more specific about what this student’s talent is. There is no sentence that directly states what this student considers to be their talent. Although the essay is still successful at displaying the student’s personality, interests, and ambition, by not explicitly mentioning their talent, they leave it up to the reader’s interpretation.

Depending on how quickly they read the essay or how focused they are, there’s a possibility the reader will miss the key talent the student wanted to convey. Making sure to avoid spoon-feeding the answer to their audience, the student should include a short sentence that lays out what they view as their main talent.

At six, Mama reads me a story for the first time. I listen right up until Peter Pan talks about the stars in the night sky. “What’s the point of stars if they can’t be part of something?” Mama looks at me strangely before closing the book. “Sometimes, looking on is more helpful than actively taking part. Besides, stars listen- like you. You’re a good listener, aren’t you?” I nod. At eleven, my sister confides in me for the first time. She’s always been different, in a way even those ‘mind doctors’ could never understand. I don’t understand either, but I do know that I like my sister. She’s mean to me, but not like people are to her. She tells me how she sees the world, and chokes over her words in a struggle to speak. She trusts me, and that makes me happy. So, I listen. I don’t speak; this isn’t a story where I speak. At sixteen, I find myself involved with an organization that provides education to rural children. Dakshata is the first person I’ve tutored in Hindi. She’s also my favorite. So, when she interrupts me mid-lesson one evening, lips trembling and eyes filling with tears, I decide to put my pen down and listen. I don’t speak; I don’t take part in this story. Later, as I hug the girl, I tell her about the stars and how her mother is among their kind- unable to speak yet forever willing to listen. Dakshata now loves the stars as much as I do. At seventeen, I realize that the first thing that comes to my mind when someone asks me about a skill I possess is my ability to listen. Many don’t see it as a skill, and I wouldn’t ask them to either, but it’s important. When you listen, you see, you need not necessarily understand, but you do comprehend. You empathize on a near-cosmic level with the people around you and learn so much more than you ever thought possible. Everything is a part of something- even the stars with their ears.

The essay as a whole is an excellent example of narrative-based writing. The narrative begins with a captivating hook. The first sentence catches the reader by surprise, since it does not directly respond to the prompt by naming the writer’s greatest talent or skill. Instead, it tells a childhood story which does not seem to be related to a skill at first. This creates intrigue, and the second sentence adds to it by introducing a conflict. It causes readers to wonder why Peter Pan’s stargazing would make a six year old stop listening — hooked into the story, they continue reading.

The writer continues to create a moving narrative by using dialogue. Dialogue allows the writer to show rather than tell , which is a highly effective way to make an essay convey emotion and keep readers’ attention. The writer also shows their story by using language such as “mind doctors” instead of “psychologists” — this immerses readers in the author’s perspective as an 11 year old at the time. 

Two motifs, or recurring themes, tie the essay together: listening and looking at the stars. The last paragraph powerfully concludes the essay by explaining these themes and circling back to the introduction.

Crafting transitions is one area where this essay could be improved. The paragraph after “I nod” begins abruptly, and without any sentence to connect the writer’s dialogue at age six with her experiences at age 11. One way to make the transition smoother would be to begin the paragraph after “I nod” with “I try to be a good listener again at eleven, when my sister confides in me for the first time.”

This essay would also be more impactful if the writer explained what they aspire to do with their ability to listen in the future. While it is most important for your essay to explain how your past experiences have made you who you are in the present, looking towards the future allows admissions readers to imagine the impact you might make after graduation. The writer could do this in the last paragraph of their essay by writing the following: “Many don’t see it as a skill, and I wouldn’t ask them to either, but I find it important — especially as an aspiring social worker.”

Prompt: Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom. (350 words)

I distinctly remember the smile on Perela’s face when she found out her mother would be nursed back to health. I first met Perela and her mother at the Lestonnac Free Clinic in San Bernardino where I volunteered as a Spanish translator. I was in awe of the deep understanding of biology that the medical team employed to discover solutions. Despite having no medical qualifications of my own, I realized that by exercising my abilities to communicate and empathize, I could serve as a source of comfort and encouragement for Perela and her mother. The opportunity to combine my scientific curiosity and passion for caring for people cultivated my interest in a career as a physician.

To further explore this interest, I attended a summer medical program at Georgetown University. I participated in lectures on circulation through the heart, practiced stitches on a chicken leg, and assisted in giving CPR to a dummy in the patient simulation laboratory. Every fact about the human body I learned brought with it ten new questions for me to research. I consistently stayed after each lecture to gain insight about how cells, tissues, and organs all work together to carry out immensely complicated functions. The next year, in my AP Biology class, I was further amazed with the interconnected biological systems as I learned about the relationships between the human body and ecosystems. I discussed with my teacher how environmental changes will impact human health and how we must broaden our perspectives to use medicine to tackle these issues.

By integrating environmental and medical science, we can develop effective solutions to reduce the adverse effects of environmental degradation that Perela’s mother may have faced unintentionally. I want to go into the medical field so I can employ a long-term approach to combat biology’s hidden anomalies with a holistic viewpoint. I look forward to utilizing my undergraduate classes and extracurriculars to prepare for medical school so I can fight for both health care and environmental protection.

This student primarily answers the prompt in their middle paragraph as they describe their experience at a summer medical program as well as their science coursework in high school. This content shows their academic curiosity and rigor, yet the best part of the essay isn’t the student’s response to the prompt. The best part of this essay is the way the student positions their interest in medicine as authentic and unique.

The student appears authentic when they admit that they haven’t always been interested in medical school. Many applicants have wanted to be doctors their whole life, but this student is different. They were just in a medical office to translate and help, then got hooked on the profession and took that interest to the next level by signing up for a summer program.

Additionally, this student positions themself as unique as they describe the specifics of their interest in medicine, emphasizing their concern with the ways medicine and the environment interact. This is also refreshing!

Of course, you should always answer the prompt, but it’s important to remember that you can make room within most prompts to say what you want and show off unique aspects of yourself—just as this student did.

One thing this student should be careful of is namedropping Georgetown for the sake of it. There is no problem in discussing a summer program they attended that furthered their interest in medicine, but there is a problem when the experience is used to build prestige. Admissions officers already know that this student attended a summer program at Georgetown because it’s on their application. The purpose of the essay is to show  why attending the program was a formative moment in their interest.

The essay gets at the  why a bit when it discusses staying after class to learn more about specific topics, but the student could have gone further in depth. Rather than explaining the things the student did during the program, like stitching chicken legs and practicing CPR, they should have continued the emotional reflection from the first paragraph by describing what they thought and felt when they got hands-on medical experience during the program. 

Save describing prestigious accomplishments for your extracurriculars and resume; your essay is meant to demonstrate what made you you.

I love spreadsheets.

It’s weird, I know. But there’s something endlessly fascinating about taking a bunch of raw numbers, whipping and whacking them into different shapes and forms with formulas and equations to reveal hidden truths about the universe. The way I like to think about it is that the universe has an innate burning desire to tell us its stories. The only issue is its inability to talk with us directly. Most human stories are written in simple words and letters, but the tales of the universe are encrypted in numbers and relationships, which require greater effort to decode to even achieve basic comprehension. After all, it took Newton countless experimentation to discover the love story between mass and gravitation.

In middle school, whenever I opened a spreadsheet, I felt like I was part of this big journey towards understanding the universe. It took me a couple of years, but I eventually found out that my interest had a name: Data Science. With this knowledge, I began to read extensively about the field and took online courses in my spare time. I found out that the spreadsheets I had been using was just the tip of the iceberg. As I gained more experience, I started using more powerful tools like R (a statistical programming language) which allowed me to use sophisticated methods like linear regressions and decision trees. It opened my eyes to new ways to understand reality and changed the way I approached the world.

The thing I love most about data science is its versatility. It doesn’t matter if the data at hand is about the airflow on an owl’s wing or the living conditions of communities most crippled by poverty. I am able to utilize data science to dissect and analyze issues in any field. Each new method of analysis yields different stories, with distinct actors, settings, and plots. I’m an avid reader of the stories of the universe, and one day I will help the world by letting the universe write its own narrative.

This is an essay that draws the reader in. The student’s candid nature and openness truly allows us to understand why they are fascinated with spreadsheets themself, which in turn makes the reader appreciate the meaning of this interest in the student’s life. 

First, the student engages readers with their conversational tone, beginning “I love spreadsheets. It’s weird, I know,” followed shortly after by the phrase “whipping and whacking.” Then, they introduce their idea to us, explaining how the universe is trying to tell us something through numbers and saying that Newton discovered “the love story between mass and gravitation,” and we find ourselves clearly following along. They put us right there with them, on their team, also trying to discover the secrets of the universe. It is this bond between the student and the reader that makes the essay so engaging and worth reading.

Because the essay is focused on the big picture, the reader gets a sense of the wide-eyed wonderment this student experiences when they handle and analyze data. The student takes us on the “big journey towards understanding the universe” through the lens of Data Science. Explaining both the tools the student has used, like R and statistical regression, and the ideas the student has explored, like owl’s wings and poverty, demonstrates how this student fits into the micro and macro levels of Data Science. The reader gets a complete picture of how this student could change the world through this essay—something admissions officers always want to see.

The biggest thing that would improve this essay is an anecdote. As it’s written, the essay looks at Data Science from a more theoretical or aspirational perspective. The student explains all that Data Science can enable, but besides for explaining that they started coding with spreadsheets and R, they provide very little personal experience working with Data Science. This is where an anecdote would elevate the essay.

Adding a story about the first data set they examined or an independent project they undertook as a hobby would have elicited more emotion and allowed for the student to showcase their accomplishments and way of thinking. For example, they could delve into the feeling of enlightenment that came from first discovering a pattern in the universe. Or maybe they could describe how analyzing data was the catalyst that led them to reach out to local businesses to help them improve their revenue. 

If you have an impactful and enduring interest, such as this student does, you will have at least one anecdote you could include in your essay. You’ll find that essays with anecdotes are able to work in more emotional reflection that make the essay more memorable and the student more likable.

Prompt: What have you done to make your community a better place? (350 words)

Blinking sweat from my eyes, I raised my chin up to the pullup bar one last time before dropping down, my muscles trembling. But despite my physical exhaustion at the end of the workout, mentally, I felt reinvigorated and stronger than ever.

Minutes later, I sat at my computer, chatting with my friends about our first week in quarantine. After listening to numerous stories concerning boredom and loneliness, it struck me that I could use my passion for fitness to help my friends—I jumped at the chance to do so. 

After scouring the internet for the most effective exercises and fitness techniques, I began hosting Zoom workouts, leading friends, family, and anyone else who wanted to join in several fun exercises each week. I hoped these meetings would uplift anyone struggling during quarantine, whether from loneliness, uncertainty, or loss of routine. I created weekly workout plans, integrating cardio, strength, and flexibility exercises into each. Using what I learned from skating, I incorporated off-ice training exercises into the plans and added stretching routines to each session. 

Although many members were worried that they wouldn’t be able to complete exercises as well as others and hesitated to turn their cameras on, I encouraged them to show themselves on screen, knowing we’d only support one another. After all, the “face-to-face” interactions we had while exercising were what distinguished our workouts from others online; and I hoped that they would lead us to grow closer as a community. 

As we progressed, I saw a new-found eagerness in members to show themselves on camera, enjoying the support of others. Seeing how far we had all come was immensely inspiring: I watched people who couldn’t make it through one circuit finish a whole workout and ask for more; instead of staying silent during meetings, they continually asked for tips and corrections.

Despite the limitations placed on our interactions by computer screens, we found comfort in our collective efforts, the camaraderie between us growing with every workout. For me, it confirmed the strength we find in community and the importance of helping one another through tough times.

This essay accomplishes three main goals: it tells a story of how this student took initiative, it explores the student’s values, and it demonstrates their emotional maturity. We really get a sense of how this student improved their community while also gaining a large amount of insight into what type of person this student is.

With regards to initiative, this student writes about a need they saw in their community and the steps they took to satisfy that need. They describe the extensive thought that went into their decisions as they outline the planning of their classes and their unique decision to incorporate skating techniques in at-home workouts.

Additionally, they explore their values, including human connection. The importance of connection to this student is obvious throughout the essay as they write about their desire “to grow closer as a community.” It is particularly apparent with their final summarizing sentence: “For me, it confirmed the strength we find in community and the importance of helping one another through tough times.”

Lastly, this student positions themself as thoughtful when they recognize the way that embarrassment can get in the way of forming community. They do this through the specific example of feeling embarrassment when turning on one’s camera during a video call—a commonly-felt feeling. This ability to recognize fear of embarrassment as an obstacle to camaraderie shows maturity on the part of this applicant. 

This essay already has really descriptive content, a strong story, and a complete answer to the prompt, however there is room for every essay to improve. In this case, the student could have worked more descriptive word choice and figurative language into their essay to make it more engaging and impressive. You want your college essay to showcase your writing abilities as best as possible, while still sounding like you.

One literary device that would have been useful in this essay is a conceit or an extended metaphor . Essays that utilize conceits tend to begin with a metaphor, allude to the metaphor during the body of the paragraph, and end by circling back to the original metaphor. All together, it makes for a cohesive essay that is easy to follow and gives the reader a satisfying opening and conclusion to the essay.

The idea at the heart of this essay—working out to strengthen a community—would make for a great conceit. By changing the anecdote at the beginning to maybe reflect the lack of strength the student felt when working out alone and sprinkling in words and phrases that allude to strength and exercise during the essay, the last sentence (“For me, it confirmed the strength we find in community and the importance of helping one another through tough times”) would feel like a fulfilling end to the conceit rather than just a clever metaphor thrown in. 

Prompt: What have you done to make your school or your community a better place? (350 words)

The scent of eucalyptus caressed my nose in a gentle breeze. Spring had arrived. Senior class activities were here. As a sophomore, I noticed a difference between athletic and academic seniors at my high school; one received recognition while the other received silence. I wanted to create an event celebrating students academically-committed to four-years, community colleges, trades schools, and military programs. This event was Academic Signing Day.

The leadership label, “Events Coordinator,” felt heavy on my introverted mind. I usually was setting up for rallies and spirit weeks, being overlooked around the exuberant nature of my peers. 

I knew a change of mind was needed; I designed flyers, painted posters, presented powerpoints, created student-led committees, and practiced countless hours for my introductory speech. Each committee would play a vital role on event day: one dedicated to refreshments, another to technology, and one for decorations. The fourth-month planning was a laborious joy, but I was still fearful of being in the spotlight. Being acknowledged by hundreds of people was new to me. 

The day was here. Parents filled the stands of the multi-purpose room. The atmosphere was tense; I could feel the angst building in my throat, worried about the impression I would leave. Applause followed each of the 400 students as they walked to their college table, indicating my time to speak. 

I walked up to the stand, hands clammy, expression tranquil, my words echoing to the audience. I thought my speech would be met by the sounds of crickets; instead, smiles lit up the stands, realizing my voice shone through my actions. I was finally coming out of my shell. The floor was met by confetti as I was met by the sincerity of staff, students, and parents, solidifying the event for years to come. 

Academic students were no longer overshadowed. Their accomplishments were equally recognized to their athletic counterparts. The school culture of athletics over academics was no longer imbalanced. Now, everytime I smell eucalyptus, it is a friendly reminder that on Academic Signing Day, not only were academic students in the spotlight but so was my voice.

This is a good essay because it describes the contribution the student made to their community and the impact that experience had on shaping their personality. Admissions officers get to see what this student is capable of and how they have grown, which is important to demonstrate in your essays. Throughout the essay there is a nice balance between focusing on planning the event and the emotions it elicited from this student, which is summed up in the last sentence: “not only were academic students in the spotlight but so was my voice.”

With prompts like this one (which is essentially a Community Service Essay ) students sometimes take very small contributions to their community and stretch them—oftentimes in a very obvious way. Here, the reader can see the importance of Academic Signing Day to the community and the student, making it feel like a genuine and enjoyable experience for all involved. Including details like the four months of planning the student oversaw, the specific committees they delegated tasks to, and the hundreds of students and parents that attended highlights the skills this student possesses to plan and execute such a large event.

Another positive aspect of this essay is how the student’s emotions are intertwined throughout the essay. We see this student go from being a shy figure in the background to the confident architect of a celebrated community event, all due to their motivation to create Academic Signing Day. The student consistently shows throughout the essay, instead of telling us what happened. One example is when they convey their trepidation to public speaking in this sentence: “I walked up to the stand, hands clammy, expression tranquil, my words echoing to the audience. I thought my speech would be met by the sounds of crickets.”

Employing detailed descriptions of feelings, emotions, fears, and body language all contribute to an essay that reveals so much in subtle ways. Without having to be explicitly told, the reader learns the student is ambitious, organized, a leader, and someone who deeply values academic recognition when they read this essay.

While this essay has many positives, there are a couple of things the student could work on. The first is to pay more attention to grammar. There was one obvious typo where the student wrote “the fourth-month planning was a laborious joy”, but there were also many sentences that felt clunky and disjointed. Each and every essay you submit should put your best foot forward and impress admissions officers with your writing ability, but typos immediately diminish your credibility as a writer and sincerity as an applicant.

It’s important to read through your essay multiple times and consider your specific word choice—does each word serve a purpose, could a sentence be rewritten to be less wordy, etc? However, it’s also important you have at least one other person edit your essay. Had this student given their essay to a fresh set of eyes they might have caught the typo and other areas in need of improvement.

Additionally, this student began and ended the essay with the smell of eucalyptus. Although this makes for an intriguing hook, it has absolutely nothing to do with the actual point of the essay. It’s great to start your essay with an evocative anecdote or figurative language, but it needs to relate to your topic. Rather than wasting words on eucalyptus, a much stronger hook could have been the student nervously walking up to the stage with clammy hands and a lump in their throat. Beginning the essay with a descriptive sentence that puts us directly into the story with the student would draw the reader in and get them excited about the topic at hand.

Prompt: What have you done to make your school or community a better place? (350 words) 

“I wish my parents understood.” Sitting at the lunch table, I listened as my friends aired out every detail of their life that they were too afraid to share with their parents. Sexuality, relationships, dreams; the options were limitless. While I enjoyed playing therapist every 7th period, a nagging sensation that perhaps their parents should understand manifested in me. Yet, my proposal was always met with rolling eyes; “I wish they understood” began every conversation, but nothing was being done beyond wishing on both sides. 

I wanted to help not just my friends but the countless other stories I was told of severed relationships and hidden secrets. Ultimately, my quest for change led me to BFB, a local nonprofit. Participating in their Youth Leadership program, I devised and implemented a plan for opening up the conversation between students and parents with the team I led. We successfully hosted relationship seminars with guest speakers specializing on a range of topics, from inclusive education to parental pressure, and were invited to speak for BFB at various external events with local government by the end of my junior year. Collaborating with mental health organizations and receiving over $1,000 in funding from international companies facilitated our message to spread throughout the community and eventually awarded us with an opportunity to tackle a research project studying mental health among teens during the pandemic with professors from the University at Buffalo and UC Los Angeles. 

While these endeavors collectively facilitated my team to win the competition, the most rewarding part of it all was receiving positive feedback from my community and close friends. “I wish my parents understood” morphed into “I’m glad they tried to understand”. I now lead a separate program under BFB inspired by my previous endeavors, advancing its message even further and leaving a legacy of change and initiative for future high schoolers in the program. As I leave for college, I hope to continue this work at the University of California and foster a diverse community that embraces understanding and growth across cultures and generations.

The essay begins with a strong, human-centered story that paints a picture of what the writer’s community looks like. The first sentence acts as a hook by leaving readers with questions — whose parents are being discussed, and what don’t they understand? With their curiosity now piqued, readers become intrigued enough to move on to the next sentences. The last sentence of the first paragraph and beginning of the second relate to the same topic of stories from friends, making for a highly effective transition.

The writer then does a great job of describing their community impact in specific detail, which is crucial for this prompt. Rather than using vague and overly generalized language, the writer highlights their role in BFB with strong action verbs like “devised” and “implemented.” They also communicate the full scope of their impact with quantifiable metrics like “$1,000 in funding,” all while maintaining a flowing narrative style.

The essay ends by circling back to the reason why the writer got involved in improving their community through BFB, which makes the essay more cohesive and moving. The last sentences connect their current experiences improving community with their future aspirations to do so, both in the wider world and at a UC school. This forward-looking part allows admissions officers to get a sense of what the writer might accomplish as a UC alum/alumna, and is certainly something to emulate.

This essay’s biggest weakness is its organization. Since the second paragraph contains lots of dense information about the writer’s role in BFB, it would benefit from a few sentences that tie it back to the narrative in the first paragraph. For instance, the third sentence of the paragraph could be changed like so: “Participating in their Youth Leadership program, I led my team through devising and implementing a plan to foster student-parent conversations — the ones that my 7th period friends were in need of.”

The last paragraph also has the potential to be reorganized. The sentence with the “I wish my parents understood” quote would be more powerful at the end of the paragraph rather than in the middle. With a short transition added to the beginning, the new conclusion would look like so: “ Through it all, I hope to help ‘I wish my parents understood’ morph into ‘I’m glad they tried to understand’ for my 7th period friends and many more.” 

I drop my toothbrush in the sink as I hear a scream. Rushing outside, I find my mom’s hand painfully wedged in the gap between our outward-opening veranda doors. I quickly open it, freeing her hand as she gasps in relief. 

As she ices her hand, I regard the door like I would a trivia question or math problem – getting to know the facts before I start working on a solution. I find that, surprisingly, there is not a single protrusion to open the door from the outside! 

Perhaps it was the fact that my mom couldn’t drive or that my dad worked long hours, but the crafts store was off-limits; I’ve always ended up having to get resourceful and creative with whatever materials happened to be on hand in order to complete my impromptu STEM projects or garage builds. Used plastic bottles of various shapes and sizes became buildings for a model of a futuristic city. Cylindrical capacitors from an old computer, a few inches in height, became scale-size storage tanks. 

Inspired by these inventive work-arounds and spurred on by my mom’s plight, I procure a Command Strip, a roll of tennis racket grip, and, of course, duct tape. I fashion a rudimentary but effective solution: a pull handle, ensuring she would never find herself stuck again.

A desire to instill others in my community with this same sense of resourcefulness led me to co-found “Repair Workshops” at my school – sessions where we teach students to fix broken objects rather than disposing of them. My hope is that participants will walk away with a renewed sense of purpose to identify problems faced by members of their community (whether that’s their neighbor next door or the planet as a whole) and apply their newfound engineering skills towards solutions.

As I look towards a degree and career in engineering and business, these connections will serve as my grounding point: my reminder that in disciplines growing increasingly quantitative, sometimes the best startup ideas or engineering solutions originate from a desire to to better the lives of people around me.

This essay is a good example of telling a story with an authentic voice. With its down-to-earth tone and short, punchy paragraphs, it stands out as a piece of writing that only the author could have written. That is an effective way for you to write any of your college essays as well.

After readers are hooked by the mention of screaming in the first sentence, the writer immerses the readers in their thinking. This makes the essay flow very naturally — rather than a first paragraph of narrative followed by an unrelated description of STEM projects, the whole essay is a cohesive story that shows how the writer came to improve their community. 

Their take on community also makes the essay stand out. While many responses to this prompt will focus on an amorphous, big-picture concept of community, such as school or humanity, this essay is about a community that the writer has a close connection to — their family. Family is also not the large group of people that most applicants would first attach to the word “community,” but writing about it here is a creative take on the prompt. Though explaining community impact is most important, choosing the most unique community you are a part of is a great way to make your essay stand out.

This essay’s main weakness is that the paragraph about Repair Workshops does not go into enough detail about community impact. The writer should highlight more specific examples of leadership here, since it would allow them to demonstrate how they hope to impact many more communities besides their family. 

After the sentence ending with “fix broken objects rather than disposing of them,” a new part could be added that shows how the writer taught students. For example, the writer could tell the story of how “tin cans became compost bins” as they explained the importance of making the world a better place. 

Then, at the end of the paragraph, the writer could more concretely explain the visions they have to expand the impact of Repair Workshops. A good concluding sentence could start with “I too hope to use engineering skills and resourcefulness to…” Adding this extra context would also make the paragraph transition better to the final paragraph of the essay, which somewhat abruptly begins by mentioning the writer’s previously unmentioned career interests in engineering and business.

Where to Get Feedback on Your UC Essays

Want feedback like this on your University of California essays before you submit? We offer expert essay review by advisors who have helped students get into their dream schools. You can book a review with an expert to receive notes on your topic, grammar, and essay structure to make your essay stand out to admissions officers. In fact, Alexander Oddo , an essay expert on CollegeVine, provided commentary on several of the essays in this post.

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